Nolan Cleared Of Speeding – You Cannot Make This Stuff Up

Well, would you believe it – Newcastle captain Kevin Nolan has been found not guilty of failing to identify the driver of a vehicle which was allegedly caught speeding on Barrack Road last July.

Kevin Nolan – Sports Personality of the year

An Audi S8 was allegedly clocked doing around 37 mph in a 30 mph zone in Newcastle, and the owner of the car was found to be Kevin Nolan. Note that Kevin is the owner and not necessarily the diver at that time – that’s important to understand right at the beginning of this bizarre story.

Nolan told the court, without even a glimmer of a smile, that he could not remember if he was driving at the time, and he really tried very hard, and it could well have been that another member of his family was driving at the time.

We know professional footballers are notorious for not remembering things, especially when they are in court, but this seems a little ridiculous.

Kevin spilled the beans that he owned the Audi S8, an Audi Q7, a Range Rover and also a Bentley, and we suppose that’s what £50K a week can get you on Tyneside, and Kevin said that his father, wife and brother were all insured to drive all of of the vehicles.

To cut it short, the Newcastle United captain was believed by the magistrates, who then dismissed the case.

Nolan told the court the date of the alleged speeding offense, July 27 last year, was in the close season and the date was not particularly significant to either himself or to members of his family.

His father and brother, who are licensed to drive Kevin’s car, don’t even live in Newcastle, since they reside in Liverpool, but the footballer couldn’t remember if they were even in Newcastle on July 27th last year, when the offense – sorry the alleged offense – took place. And Kevin tried very hard to remember, really.

Kevin said it depended on various things who drove the car:

“It just depends which has got the most petrol, or if my daughter needs dropping off at school or I take a friend into work, it just depends on that.”

“Anyone drives any car at any one time. Whatever we feel like.”

Kevin also requested to see photographs of the car while it was speeding to see if he could identify who was driving the car, as he told the court:.

“I just tried to recollect who was up,” “The date doesn’t stand out for any of us. I spoke to my father, brother and wife.”

The offense also happened to be on Barrack Road, which is where St. James’ Park is, so you would have thought that was a significant clue wouldn’t you?

Not so, as Kevin continued:

“It is near the stadium where I play, but there is no reason why I should be at the stadium that day.”

So the obvious follow-up  question would have been if either of the other licensed drivers had any reason at all to be on Barrack Road at that time, but we suppose the question was never asked.

If any ordinary person in Newcastle in a similar situation thinks they could get off the way captain Kevin Nolan did, they are simply wrong.

But Kevin is a very good footballer for Newcastle United, and that means a lot in Newcastle, as we all know, and who are we to argue with the Magistrates’ decision

You couldn’t make this stuff up, if you tried. 😀

29 comments so far

  • pearceet

    Apr 7, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Comment #1

    Translation of his statements:

    I was driving but there is no way you can prove it hahaha!

  • shearer4pm

    Apr 7, 2011 at 9:50 PM

    Comment #2

    suing your own football club, what a mackem thing to do

  • Solaidback

    Apr 7, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    Comment #3

    For a Toon fan Ed, you sound as if you don’t believe him.. 😉

    Who cares if he was doing 37 in a 30 zone, you telling me you’ve never broken the speed limit anytime??

  • ronaldeano

    Apr 7, 2011 at 9:58 PM

    Comment #4

    I just blame wor lass every time I get caught speeding anyway! I need my licence more than she needs hers!!! I think il try the Kevin Nolan way next time tho :0)

  • Sgt. Heagerty

    Apr 7, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Comment #5

    whats the latest news mates, good to be back typing again….

  • Charlietoon

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    Comment #6

    I cant remember what I was doing last year

  • ToonBry

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    Comment #7

    Lol good old Nolan. Exactly right Pearceet. An idiot could work out he was driving but they have to prove it first lol. As for Sunday i see a 3-0 win to the Toon. Can’t wait to get to the virmins stadium and remind them how different it is from 2yrs ago.

  • veto

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    Comment #8

    @solaidback after having children i certainly care if he was speeding in a 30 zone . its a 30 zone for a reason and speeding should never be taken lightly

  • Lee Dodd

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    Comment #9

    I Bet It Was Andy Carroll Driving The Motor !!!


    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    Comment #10

    agree with veto.
    but ed was he driving or diving?

  • ToonBry

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    Comment #11

    i have kids too but 37 is hardley 80. kids shouldnt be in the road anyway.

  • davybtoon

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    Comment #12

    i really hope we can stuff villa sunday for the way they went on 2 year ago, i think the players will be well up for it, also i hope pardew bloods some younsters from now till end of season id love to see airey get 30mins at villa, would like to see folan, inman, taverinier, richardson, nzunzi, donaldson, leadbitter all get some decent sub apperances once were safe maybe even start some iys the only way u will know if there good enough then with vukic, kadar, lualua all to come bk from injury hope we play em all pre season i wanna see at least 4/5 f them in n around first team next year n i mean pushing for places

  • cyprus

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    Comment #13

    Just read article at Read it, you’ll catch the spirit of the day… Hope his website survives…

  • fergie

    Apr 7, 2011 at 10:59 PM

    Comment #14

    The words ‘Kevin Nolan’ and ‘speed’ do not belong in the same sentence. No wonder he was found not guilty.

  • geordieal

    Apr 7, 2011 at 11:02 PM

    Comment #15

    Who cares, it was him, he was speeding, courts can’t prove it, who wouldn’t try and get out of it, and ed, you live in the states, I lived there for 5 years, I knew loads of people who got arrested for drink driving, if you refuse the test and get a good lawyer, chances are your getting off with it, 7 miles over speed limit is hardly headline news.

  • brownrob

    Apr 7, 2011 at 11:28 PM

    Comment #16

    Bad joke alert… look away if you are a kid of easily offended…

    Say what you like about paedos… at least they drive past schools slowly 😀

  • Thump

    Apr 8, 2011 at 1:12 AM

    Comment #17

    Have any of you lads seen this?

    If this turns out to be true… I can’t even put it into words.

  • baro

    Apr 8, 2011 at 1:52 AM

    Comment #18




    Gervinho……………Ben Arfa…………………Jonas


    N. Ranger
    M. Williamson
    S. Ferguson
    H. Vuckic
    R. Taylor

    We really need a big squad for next year if we are to go to Europe and beyond!

  • DerkaSayWhat

    Apr 8, 2011 at 3:54 AM

    Comment #19

    People still going on about bloody Europe ? Give it break,Lets think about this season and not beyond. It’s outrageous how people think that we’re good enough after a win and after a lost we’re going to get relegated…

  • Thump

    Apr 8, 2011 at 4:25 AM

    Comment #20

    Agreed Derka.

  • DerkaSayWhat

    Apr 8, 2011 at 4:35 AM

    Comment #21

    Thanks Thump,Loving the photo.

  • IndianapolisToon

    Apr 8, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    Comment #22

    I’m with you ToonBry, I’ve always taught the kids that roads are for people IN CARS, never had problems. I think more parents should teach their kids that way, I’m sure many people will disagree but whatever.

  • DerkaSayWhat

    Apr 8, 2011 at 7:10 AM

    Comment #23

    This a blog about the toon,not parent tips.

  • southerngeordie

    Apr 8, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    Comment #24

    I’d love for Lukaku to join us… unfortunately the only time i’d expect to see this is on football manager.

  • toonincheek

    Apr 8, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    Comment #25

    southerngeordie – I can just imagine the commentators getting their tongues around LuaLua and Lukaku exchanging passes.

  • southerngeordie

    Apr 8, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    Comment #26

    The stuff dreams are made of!

  • The Power Ranger

    Apr 8, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    Comment #27

    Baro- You forgot to put our captain and top goalscorer in the SQUAD?

  • DerkaSayWhat

    Apr 8, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    Comment #28

    Power Ranger,Hes is living in lalal land with Mike Ashley.

  • nyctoon

    Apr 8, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    Comment #29

    this is great. excellent picture to pair with the story as well


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