I’d Have Kicked My Granny To Get Where We Are Now


If you are a Grandma and have relatives who are Newcastle fans, you could be in trouble.

Alan Pardew – I’d have kicked my granny to be where we are now

Alan Pardew is being inundated with questions from the local press about the woulda coulda shoulda of Newcastle’s last five games of the season.

One example is that if Newcastle get more points than Tottenham and Chelsea in  tomorrow’s games,  we will end up in 4th place on Saturday evening.

But Alan also knows it’s  dangerous to spend too much attention on what could be, rather than just concentrating on trying to win every single  remaining game, and then things will be all sorted out.

There’s a possibility that Newcastle could finish in 4th place or even in 3rd place in the league, but the Newcastle manager just wants to concentrate on the football, and leave the rest to the press to conjure up what are admittedly many different possible outcomes.

Pardew has said today to the local press that we would have all kicked our Grannies to be in the position we are right now:

“It isn’t completely clarified, but the bottom line is that if we beat Stoke, and other results go our way, we could find ourselves in the top four with four games to play.”

“We’d have all kicked our grannies for that at the start of the season.” “Bless my granny, but I’d have kicked her! Let’s hope that’s the case at the end of play.”

I’m not sure I would have kicked either of my Grannies, but of  course they both died many moons ago, but we get Alan’s point.

If we are in 4th place tomorrow night, it will be simply amazing.

Let’s take a look – no – we cannot win the league this year, but we could possibly get to 3rd place if we do very well over our last five games of the season, and that would equal where Bobby Robson had his home-town club back in 2003 – that last time we qualified for the Champions League.

It’s certainly promises to be an exciting time for Newcastle fans over the next three weeks or so, before we finish at Everton on Sunday 13th May,  in what has been an amazing season for the Magpies.

Comments welcome.



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154 comments so far

  • Pardew's fist pump

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    Comment #1

    I really think 3 wins and 1 draw could nab us 4th place, but let’s go for win 1/5 tomorrow eh? 😛

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  • Ollieh51

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    Comment #2

    @ Garreth – http://www1.skysports.com/20seasons

    Sorry about the delay!

    Ed’s on a mad one again today!

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  • Indian Magpie

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    Comment #3

    @ Cheick the toastie,

    The article where reading b/w the lines started

    it was abt HBA, i am a realist not a pessimist

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  • pardew no 1

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    Comment #4

    i am so happy how the season planned out and the way transfers been done and everything its been the best year with mike ashely long may it continue long live the toon

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  • Londtoon

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:34 AM

    Comment #5

    Can someone remind of the points total under Sir Bobby in ’03? In the sixties? Are we set to achieve higher with a win tomorrow as I recall 61?

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  • Hatem's better than Messi

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    Comment #6

    typing “nufc 2003 points” into Google and it tells you … 69

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  • Xavi

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:38 AM

    Comment #7

    ill kick my granny too if we qualify for champions league!!!

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  • martoon

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    Comment #9

    Pardew should be careful what he says or the anti-granny bashing groups will be up in arms commonly known as SPOG (Society for Protection Of Grannies) 🙂

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  • Auzzie_Toon

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    Comment #10

    There is no way we should be where we are but WE ARE. I have been a long time follower of this site and was sick of seeing the bagging out of Pardew and Ameobi. If we finish 5th or 6th its still been a great season, well above expectation. Lets beat Stoke and then we will be 5th (maybe 4th) with 4 games to go. I dream of watching NUFC in the CL once again, especially with our budget/transfer policy. Makes the Manchesters look stupid..

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  • Hatem's better than Messi

    Apr 20, 2012 at 11:50 AM

    Comment #11

    Yes watch it Pardew …

    A Granny’s for life and not just for Christmas!

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  • check the toastie

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:14 PM

    Comment #12

    Indian – thats what you think, i know your ‘Reading between the lines’ comment has gone down in the histories of the blog as being extremely pessemistic, that was the whole point of taking the p1ss out of it.

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  • Tom4Nufc

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:22 PM

    Comment #13

    Reading between the lines I’d say a win tomorrow would give us 3 points….

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  • Indian Magpie

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:27 PM

    Comment #14

    see when i made that comment, it was not a joke, you make takewhatever out of it.

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  • lewytoon

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:29 PM

    Comment #15

    if we get 3rd i think ill be in shock, at the start of the season i aimed for top 8, then top 7, then since january top 6, now top 5, now top 4, if we get 3rd i’ll be unbelievably happy

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  • Tom4Nufc

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:31 PM

    Comment #16

    Lewytoon- Whilst you’d be in shock I think I’d go into cardiac arrest at the age of 20!!! The thought of Europe puts me off work!!!

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  • lewytoon

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:43 PM

    Comment #17

    i know! just the fact ‘Newcastle United 3rd Place and Champions League’ sounds so unreal

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  • Tom4Nufc

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:44 PM

    Comment #18

    But it hasn’t happened so lets not talk about it!!!!!!

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  • Garreth

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:52 PM

    Comment #19

    @OllieH Thanks for that!

    We are higher than anyone ever expected us to be, and it has been such a successful season. The key now is to make sure we don’t fizzle out and then repeat our success next year.

    There is no reason why we can’t progress to the knockout stages in any European competition we are in, and win one of the domestic cups as well! We need a few more squad players in the team, and bring in some of our youth to the first team squad in the cups. Players like Vuckic and Sammy Ameobi really excite me!

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  • jonobbad

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    Comment #20

    At end of 02/03 season we were 3rd on 69 pts and the unwashed finished bottom on 19 pts. Nearly a perfect season. HWTL

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  • Beattie25

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    Comment #21

    I’d kick my granny, but she is dead so I’ll have to kick someone elses

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  • toonincheek

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:00 PM

    Comment #22

    Pardew has a great team supporting him.

    Including whoever writes his one-liners!!

    Brilliant.

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  • Beattie25

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    Comment #23

    Does anyone else disagree with Pardews earlier comments about needing 1 or 2 new players?

    I’d say we need about 4 and thats before letting the fringe players leave.

    Getting rid of Lover, Smith, Xisco, Harper, Ranger etc.. is all well and good but we need to repllace them and add to our already small squad and failure to bring in at least 4 first team players competing for the first 11 would be a massive dissapointment for me this summer.

    I hope its all smoke and mirrors but I cant help feeling dispondant by the remark and hope someone can fill me with optimism.

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  • jonobbad

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:04 PM

    Comment #24

    It’s always smoke and mirrors. Remember ‘We wont be signing a striker this January’ and then cisse turned up! Champions league would be amazing cos that would help keep our best players. Cant wait for tomo

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  • Beattie25

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:08 PM

    Comment #25

    I hope tomorrow the noise levels are amazing and that the fans in attendance realize the neccisity of cheering on our team.

    Against Bolton I think we forgot we were challenging for 4th place. It’s coming towards the end of the season, 2 home games left, it should be a party atmosphere.

    Too many times have the fans sat there waiting for things to happen instead of encouraging the team regardless of how we are playing.

    Every match is now the biggest of the season and just because we are pplaying Stoke doesnt mean the atmosphere should be any less than if we were playing the scum.

    If I had pom poms and a dress I’d cheer lead myself, but I am not able to attend tomorrow so I hope the silence is just a memory and the thunder is apparent.

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  • Wor Shearer

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:15 PM

    Comment #26

    I’m just itching for the game to start!

    It’ll be a great day! Howay!

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  • only magpie of nepal

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    Comment #27

    What the hell! Why would anyone kick their own Grandma?

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  • only magpie of nepal

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    Comment #28

    As far as Stoke game is concerned, only real danger for us will be their aerial bombardment. other than that, with ben arfa, ba and cisse in hot form, as well as with home advantage we should at least score 2/3 goals at least. don’t worry we will win the game anyway.

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  • pieceofpapiss

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    Comment #29

    I’ve been looking all over for a black and white passport holder, cant find them anywhere. thought it would look good when we jaunt off to Spain, Italy and the like!!

    On a serious note, reading between the lines, sneaky 1-0 win against Stoke this weekend is on the cards. Cisse to score (again)

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  • Wor Shearer

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:46 PM

    Comment #30

    @only magpie of nepal

    To get in the CL….?

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  • Wor Shearer

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:49 PM

    Comment #31

    Outside, the clouds are dark as night, it’s hailing golf balls and there’s a thunder storm overhead!

    That can only be good, right?

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  • Wor Shearer

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:53 PM

    Comment #32

    Now I hear police sirens!

    Help, i’m stuck in a Stephen King novel!

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  • cyprus

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:54 PM

    Comment #33

    Is kicking your granny in order to get a better position accepted by the FA as fair play? Shame on you AP!

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  • Tom4Nufc

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    Comment #34

    And that in one is why we will never win the Fair Play League lol!

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  • martoon

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    Comment #35

    Wor Shearer @ 31 Not sure, a wet heavy pitch could favour Stoke with their aerial attack and hamper our passing game.

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  • drongo

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:58 PM

    Comment #36

    hope im not speaking too soon, but Stoke’s defence is land of the giants, land of the slow giants too. Should be tailor made for our front 3 to run at them (assume they’ll be sat well deep)

    I know the old adage is never change a winning team, but I wont be surprised if start with a 442 tomorrow ba behind Cisse, HBA and Jonas back on the wings.

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  • cyprus

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:58 PM

    Comment #37

    Beattie25,
    with your pom poms and dress might you just be kicked by AP? In lieu of a real granny;)

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  • magpie6699

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:59 PM

    Comment #38

    Wor Shearer – it’s throwing it down here in Bedlington. Now I’ve got TWO new things to fret over!
    1 Could the match be cancelled? (Unlikely but more rain forecast.)
    2. Will the wet pitch favour cloggers and hump-balls like Stoke whereas HBA won’t be able to move the ball on the soggy pitch?
    Aaaarrgh! Still 27 hours till result time!

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  • Tom4Nufc

    Apr 20, 2012 at 2:01 PM

    Comment #39

    If its a wet pitch watch HBA win us a penalty off Huth 😉

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  • drongo

    Apr 20, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    Comment #40

    Id like to see us with a diamond midfield tomorrow – HBA at the tip, Mr T as the achchorman

    My team:

    ——————–Krul
    Santon—–Collo—Perch—Jonas
    ——————-Tiote
    ———Cabaye——–Guthrie
    ——————–HBA
    ————–Cisse——–Ba

    Narrow I know – but they will out perform us on the air so not sure crossing is the way forward.

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