Emile Heskey To Sign For Newcastle

Well – would you believe it – but Emile Heskey is about to sign a deal at Newcastle.

Emile Heskey – to sign for Newcastle

Sorry,  but I just couldn’t resist putting this out – and of course Emile Heskey, who is now a free agent  after his contract ran out at Aston Villa in the summer, is indeed going to sign for Newcastle.

But it’s not the great Newcastle United, but the Newcastle Jets down under.

That’s where a number of former top players finish out their careers these days with former Liverpool striker Robbie Fowler doing that recently when he played for the North Queensland Fury and the Perth Glory – love those names!

Emile is now 34 and in his career he’s played 696 club games and scored 151 goals, and has played for Leicester City, Liverpool, Birmingham City, Wigan Athletic and Aston Villa and presumably will have one last fling with Newcastle.

Emile also played as a striker 62 times for England but scored only 7 goals, and that was always a criticism of the striker – he didn’t score enough goals.

Sorry to be so frivolous, and I’ll try to get serious again – very serious – just as soon as I can – promise. 😀

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30 comments so far

  • Ibizatoon - Back by popular demand

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:07 AM

    Comment #1

    Oh Ed, what a nasty trick. Really got my hopes us there like. Disappointed doesn’t even begin to sum up how I’m feeling.

  • snowdone

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    Comment #2

    Dear Ed,

    You rascal, Ed! The story had just enough behind it to make it sort of believable!


  • Jail for Ashley

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:12 AM

    Comment #3

    Hook,line and sinker.

  • toonarmydownsouth

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:13 AM

    Comment #4

    Christ Ed you nearly gave a heart attack you cheeky toe rag!

  • jawballsaswallwell

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    Comment #5

    Newcastle KB United- the footballers graveyard- don’t do it Emile, don’t do it!!!!

    Saw heskey single handedly run the Toon ragged playing for Leceister at St James’ – he was 16 years old and unplayable. People forget that as a youngster he was truly gifted. Had the magic drilled out of him, so he could do the donkey work up front for so called big clubs.

  • martoon

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    Comment #6

    Good one Ed. However if we get any more injuries to defenders then we may well start looking at ‘out of contract’ defenders we could possibly bring in as cover.

  • bollance

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:20 AM

    Comment #7

    He got me too (good work Ed!)

  • bollance

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:23 AM

    Comment #8

    Squad for euro game tomorrow

    Mehdi Abeid , Romain Amalfitano, Sammy Ameobi , Shola Ameobi , Vurnon Anita , Gael Bigirimana , Adam Campbell, Rob Elliot , Shane Ferguson , Dan Gosling , Steve Harper , Sylvain Marveaux , Gabriel Obertan , James Perch , Davide Santon , James Tavernier , Steven Taylor , Haris Vuckic , Mike Williamson

  • bollance

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:24 AM

    Comment #9

    Even with the weakest 11 out of those heading to portugal we have a strong starting 11 in my opinion

  • bollance

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:24 AM

    Comment #10

    No Cisse, cabaye or hba

  • Ian Toon

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:24 AM

    Comment #11

    Pheew! – thought I would have to start whistling the old Eric Idle tune

  • bollance

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    Comment #12

    No Ba

  • bollance

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    Comment #13

    One thing I have noticed is Anita is already becoming a very important member of the squad. He is just about playing all the matches in the league and cup.

    Proving to be a great signing. It would appear he is extremely fit.

  • markmac

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Comment #14

    HA HA Ed, my first 2 thoughts were
    1] Is it april 1st
    2] WTF?

  • Markaccus

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Comment #15

    Ok, from that squad it has to be:

    Amalfitano should deffo come on later, as should bigi.

  • Pushy Pardew

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    Comment #16

    Ian Toon
    Good morning. Do you think the reserve full backs were being tried out with Europa in mind.?

  • jawballsaswallwell

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    Comment #17

    Anita’s awful wee!

    Villa had an excellent fullback who was literally 5foot 2, played heaps of games for them, can’t remember his name.

    And Hartlepools had a lad pulling the strings in the middle of the park who I swear was nowhere near 5 foot tall. Saw him play in a cup game against Darlo, I thought he was the mascot and that somehow a mistake had been made but he totally bossed the game. That was only about 7 years ago, I wonder what happened to him.

  • Jail for Ashley

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:40 AM

    Comment #18

    Tbh though a regime that signed a part time Kebab shop worker in Shefqi Kooki ,the headline is actually quite believable.

  • Ian Toon

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:41 AM

    Comment #19

    Pushy- hiya. No we’re just desperately short of defensive cover. Fergie certainly could start though. Abeid could play as an attacking full back and in the attacking sense has more to offer than Simpson.
    He deserves a chance at higher level. I am on the move so don’t think me rude if I disappear.

  • shanghai fan

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:42 AM

    Comment #20

    Damn! I thought we were really signing him! Has he signed yet? And can Llambias and Charnley still fly out and “thrash” out a deal?!

  • jesperfuglsang

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    Comment #21

    Ian…here we go 😉

    “Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)
    Always look on the light side of life (whistle)
    If life seems jolly rotten
    There’s something you’ve forgotten
    And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing”

  • jimmymagpie

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:49 AM

    Comment #22

    Bollance – HBA is serving the last match of his suspension, and a few of the squad you mention played last night against the Mackems, I don’t think that Pardew will ask too many of the younger ones to play twice in 48 hours.

  • Ibizatoon - Back by popular demand

    Sep 19, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    Comment #23

    Life’s a piece of potch, when you look at it,
    Life’s a laugh and deaths a joke it’s true,
    You’ll see it’s all a show, keep ’em laughing as you go,
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you


    Yeah, that feels good.

  • Bucks mag

    Sep 19, 2012 at 11:02 AM

    Comment #24

    That’s classic Ed, you had me completely scared there! Haha

  • puretoon

    Sep 19, 2012 at 11:52 AM

    Comment #25

    Jeez Ed yu had me worried there-naughty naughty lol

  • Jonny

    Sep 19, 2012 at 12:17 PM

    Comment #26

    Please don’t ever joke about something like this again please. Thanks.

  • Constanstine

    Sep 19, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    Comment #27

    Heskey was a good player. People criticize him for his goal ratio but if hes that bad, he wouldn’t be playing 600+ games and 62 times for England. True target man striker, wish him all the best.

  • Marty-Toon

    Sep 19, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    Comment #28

    I nearly cried.
    He’s the striker version of Bramble.
    In fact the two of them are only dangerous near their own goal 🙂

  • Marty-Toon

    Sep 19, 2012 at 3:24 PM

    Comment #29

    When was he good?
    Ok,he is strong and could hold up the ball.
    A real handful but not a serious goal threat.

  • JP...from The Rock

    Sep 19, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    Comment #30

    PHEW!!! Thank God it’s the Jets and not us! You had me going there Ed 😛 nasty one. Now I can breathe a huge sigh of relief lol


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