These Are Newcastle’s Two Steps To Heaven


One of my favorite songs from eons and eons ago was Three Steps To Heaven by the great Eddie Cochran – and while I couldn’t think of three steps – there are two steps to heaven for Newcastle United, given where we are at the moment, and we can be even more efficient than the late 1950s rocker.

eddie cochran

Eddie Cochran – he had three steps to heaven
Newcastle can be more efficient


It’s been extremely quiet on the Newcastle front since Wigan were defeated by Swansea on Tuesday night – which gives us a pathway to safety – a lifeline that maybe we don’t deserve – but we have to help ourselves now – which will be a change given the last four games.

There is one Premier League game on Saturday and that’s Aston Villa vs Chelsea – and you have to think there’s decent chance that Chelsea can win that game at Villa Park, which has a kick-off time of 12:45pm.

And then at 5:30pm it will be good watch the FA Cup Final between Manchester City and Wigan and see how Wigan do – and watch them get tires in preparation for their game at Arsenal on Tuesday night – but if we play our cards right that game could become irrelevant.

On Sunday Newcastle play at QPR – and as captain Coloccini said today – “QPR have nothing to play for and we have everything to play for” – with the emphasis on everything.

That’s so right – but it doesn’t say we will win.

However we are hoping that our lads will come out like a steam train for the game on Sunday – and play their hearts out and get a win – and if we can do that it will be our first win in five games – so we are due a win.

And lo and behold – if we can beat QPR on Sunday – and Chelsea beat Aston Villa on Saturday – we are safe,   and that’s essentially because Wigan’s last game is against Aston Villa – work it out – it’s true.

It’s Mother’s Day in the US this Sunday, and our family are going out to dinner a short three hours after the Newcastle game finishes, and my son Neil and I are hoping we can celebrate Newcastle’s safety at that time.

So in just two simple steps – it’s possible that Newcastle could be safe on Sunday – and be in heaven (also known as The Premier League)  for next season, and we can all start to dream again.

It’s very hard to dream when you are relegated – we know that – because we went through hell and high water and agony and pain four years ago.

We don’t want to experience that ever again.

So it’s over to the players and Alan Pardew.

Howay The Lads!!.

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117 comments so far

  • JackButler

    May 9, 2013 at 7:16 PM

    Comment #1

    Ed you have to dream if you support this club as the reality is too painful to bare at times

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  • p

    May 9, 2013 at 7:18 PM

    Comment #2

    not sure staying up is metaphorically heaven

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:21 PM

    Comment #3

    Re post:

    Ibiza

    I agree that the current system is wrong but I am saying the new one doesn’t help.

    Everything it should be eliminating it is only strengthening. For example teams concentrating on youth means that players will become commodities more than ever.

    All FIFA/UEFA have to do is look at the German model (not including Bayern) and implement similar models across the board. That would protect fans, smaller clubs and help improve the quality of football through investment in youth.

    Perhaps a cap on player spending but no limits to investment in youth?

    Something has to change but sadly we will all sit around scratching our heads whilst the top 10 clubs in Europe widen the gulf with their £300 million sponsorship deals.

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:21 PM

    Comment #4

    Ibiza

    How can it get any worse?

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  • 5Danny94

    May 9, 2013 at 7:24 PM

    Comment #5

    On July 2nd, the longest serving Premier League managers will be:

    1) Arsene Wenger
    2) Tony Pulis
    3) Roberto Martinez
    4) Roberto Mancini
    5) Alan Pardew*

    Just let that sink in, it just goes to show how unstable life as a manager in the Premier League can be.

    *Unless he gets sacked.

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  • Joe Blog

    May 9, 2013 at 7:24 PM

    Comment #6

    Supporting NUFC is perennial limbo, if anything.

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  • Ibizatoon - Back By Popular Demand

    May 9, 2013 at 7:25 PM

    Comment #7

    Beattie…I like the cap on player spending. I still don’t think it would change too much in the grand scheme though.

    At the end of the day, I do support the idea of clubs only spending what they have, it makes perfect sense, but their needs to be other rules or regulations to make it an even playing field of sorts.

    And to answer your latest question, we could already be relegated.

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:28 PM

    Comment #8

    Ibiza

    I suppose it would be worse if Sunderland were top of the league too.

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  • do the hatem shake

    May 9, 2013 at 7:28 PM

    Comment #9

    good article i think its still 3 steps to heaven win qpr then safety in “heaven” then sack pardew and then we are in heaven

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  • Novocastrian66

    May 9, 2013 at 7:30 PM

    Comment #10

    Danny. If Wigan go down he’ll be fourth

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  • Ibizatoon - Back By Popular Demand

    May 9, 2013 at 7:31 PM

    Comment #11

    Beattie…Exactly…they also could have beaten us 3….oh sh*t, my bad, ermm, what was I saying, oh yeah, we could be relegated already!

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  • cyprus

    May 9, 2013 at 7:33 PM

    Comment #12

    Back,
    Reading through comments, Ruddy, no problem on this end, man.
    Beattie, your long posts make sense even though not exactly laconic! Regarding ‘levelling’ the field, I don’t see it happening. In the USA, Ed will tell you, there are individual and overall team wage caps, and also the bottom team gets ‘first draft’, which means it gets to choose the best available new player. Of course, those are franchises, don’t get demoted, can shift to whole new cities! Takes away the soul…

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:35 PM

    Comment #13

    Ibiza

    I think I just feel for the smaller clubs. Say Hartlepool makes £2 million a year from sponsorship, ticket sales and merchandise. Minus all your costs incurred during a season (wages, travel, community support) and they are probably left with £500k to spend.

    Now look at Man United. Once they do the same they’ll have £100 million to spend probably.

    Now I know you’re saying that this is no different to the current model so if it is no different why bother changing it?

    How about this all top level clubs must pay a % of their money earnt into a kitty which is then shared amongst lower teams?

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  • sparky55

    May 9, 2013 at 7:36 PM

    Comment #14

    step one…survive
    step two…sack Pardew
    step three…kiss and hold her tightly (whoever she is!)

    then move on to better things!

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  • cyprus

    May 9, 2013 at 7:39 PM

    Comment #15

    Sparky, beat me to it. Had never heard of that song by the less famous ED:

    Step one – you find a girl to love
    Step two – she falls in love with you
    Step three – you kiss and hold her tightly
    Yeah! that sure seems like heaven to me

    Sounds pretty straight forward!

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:40 PM

    Comment #16

    Cyprus

    I think most the soul of most team sports are dying in the modern world and no sport can find a perfect formula.

    When it is an individual sport you get to the top on talent and then you get the money. In football you get the money and then buy the top talent.

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  • DokToon

    May 9, 2013 at 7:44 PM

    Comment #17

    when did staying above relegation become the goal of NUFC? may not be bright, but methinks we should have a tinier higher goal maybe?

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:45 PM

    Comment #18

    Do you reckon Ed has got a new way of making money for this site?

    He is now being sponsored to advertise songs on the headings of new posts?!

    I reckon next it’ll be:

    Papiss Cisse scores a hat trick – 3 is the magic number

    Don’t Cry for me Argentina – Colocinni leaves

    Alan Pardew Sacked!!! – Another One Bites the Dust

    ££££££$$$$$$£££££££

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  • cyprus

    May 9, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    Comment #19

    The ‘nice’ thing about football is that so many people play it around the world… so, it’s hard for even your manu’s and Reals to spot and corner ALL the new talent. Hence, once in a while, wee teams unearth a gem or two, which takes you to a different level. Even if these gems are snapped up by the big guys, that money can help you maintain a decent level, even grow… hope all this makes sense!!

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  • sparky55

    May 9, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    Comment #20

    we’re getting heavy again…let’s rejoice in the thought of getting to heaven…cisse scoring 3, hatem getting 1, cabaye scoring a brilliant free kick and QPR getting one less than that famous 5-5 draw back in the eighties when Venables was in charge of QPR. We WILL stay up despite Pardew but the main thing is we WILL stay up mainly thanks to Swansea.

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  • Conaldo (The Wizard - Member of the Triangle of Intelligence)

    May 9, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    Comment #21

    Evening folks.

    If we beat QPR and Draw/Win V Arsenal, provided other results go our way, we could finsh 11th/12th, which bearing in mind everything that has gone wrong, would not be too bad.

    If we beat QPR we are safe. There is no way both Villa and Wigan will win. Even a point would probably do, but I, and everyone will be extremely dissapointed with a point.

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  • jesperfuglsang - captain of the lemon crew

    May 9, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    Comment #22

    Ibiza…well if they had won
    against Swansea they would be
    doing better than us lol
    Christ the Fantacy league; ever
    since both Krul and Benny was
    injured and Pardew just would’t
    kill his god forsaken darlings I
    have given up on Pipedream FC
    lol

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  • DokToon

    May 9, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    Comment #23

    beattie,

    from across the pond, i think i have a solution…

    in most pro sports here (west pond), there is a salary cap of what clubs can spend, its called a soft cap. now teams may spend over the cap, but if a club is over so many dollars, (x) = amount of luxury tax they pay, poroggressing every so many dollars… the more a club overspends, the higher the luxury tax they incur before the next season, which then affect the seasons free agents they can acquire, or pay another tax…

    just a though… sorry to interrupt… 🙂

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  • cyprus

    May 9, 2013 at 7:50 PM

    Comment #24

    New Abba museum:

    Pardew: ‘Take (another) chance on me’, ‘Waterloo’, ‘The weener takes it all’

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  • DokToon

    May 9, 2013 at 7:50 PM

    Comment #25

    alan pardew = learning to fly, as beattie tosses him from the top of the bridge…

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:50 PM

    Comment #26

    Cyprus

    It does make sense but I fear the times of young talent staying for their entire careers is over.

    It is sad but that’s they way it goes these days.

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  • jesperfuglsang - captain of the lemon crew

    May 9, 2013 at 7:52 PM

    Comment #27

    Conaldine is back! God almighty that has been a while 🙂

    ‘I will, I will turn your tide
    Do all that I can to heal you inside
    I’ll be the angel on your shoulder
    My name is Conaldine, I’m your social worker’

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  • Beattie25

    May 9, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    Comment #28

    DOK

    It is great to hear other perspectives from the US and listen to how those sports cope.

    There is much more money in those sports than in football so it is interesting to hear how they do it.

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  • Sazzer

    May 9, 2013 at 7:56 PM

    Comment #29

    Isn’t there a drop down package deal as well so from next year whoever drops will likely go up again and it will be same teams over and over?

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  • cyprus

    May 9, 2013 at 7:58 PM

    Comment #30

    Dok toon,
    One of the best songs ever that. But it doesn’t bode well:

    “I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
    Coming down is the hardest thing”

    Read more: TOM PETTY – LEARNING TO FLY LYRICS

    This is the song I’d play for the team, before it enters the field!

    Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
    You could stand me up at the gates of hell
    But I won’t back down

    Gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around
    And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
    Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down

    Chorus
    Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
    Hey I will stand my ground
    And I won’t back down

    Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
    In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
    But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down

    Hey baby there ain’t no easy way out
    Hey I will stand my ground
    And I won’t back down

    Masterpiece

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  • DokToon

    May 9, 2013 at 8:02 PM

    Comment #31

    cyprus, i was thinking learning to fly by pink floyd, one of the greatest bands ever..

    beattie, i can write you an entire dissertation on it, if you like 🙂

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  • ProudNUFCfan

    May 9, 2013 at 8:02 PM

    Comment #32

    Fair balance should be implemented like this. A player should never be sold for more than 10million £ even thats a high standard. Also there should be restricted to HOW much money a player will earn. Say top fee WHATSO EVER should be no more than 50.000£ a week. Even thats too much. Football are all about money today. And that has to change. Anyhow by setting a standard max fee of 10million £ you wouldnt get a inflated price for anyone. IT also would lead to more fighting over signatures. Also there should be restrictions on that sale say 5million £ must have been reinvested in youth academy or something like that. Wich would over time bring in star players for more than just a few teams.

    So a club who was in PL would equally share the TV sponsorship in between everybody equally. Europe play money are abt hard to divide more than it is because really they have ‘fought for them during the league’

    Also rules should be changed for fairl play. Video judgement on highly suspicious goals/no goals like offside goals, corners, saved at the line etc. To simply rule out the human failure and the chance of ‘accidentaly’ misjudging anything in a match. Judges should be more supervisors over the match making sure it doesnt become a bumpy ride but rather a smooth run.

    And least but not last. 35-40% of a club players should be locals brought up through an academy.

    And ofc a max sum of transfer fee allowed during a whole season. Then you would have to be tactical in buying in the summer or january window depending on how much already spent!

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  • donkey

    May 9, 2013 at 8:03 PM

    Comment #33

    GINGER first thing i would do is a clear out cisse colo gosling obertan tioti the ameobis and anybody else in the youth who is not cutting it and with the money of the sales of these players and new tv money i would look to bring in 3 new forwards with one of them being a youth with bags of potental a new DM plus a right winger someone like a valencia or gillespie good honest no nonsance just whip the balls in for the forwards would play a simple 4 4 2 with left sided wingers playing on the left side and right sided wingers playing on the right side none of this cutting in bollox on the stonger foot the tactics i would play is with a very high defensive line with a fast tempo and would have the coaches train the player to close down the oppostion very fast like barclona. and for the youth set up and new coaches i would look to places like ajax and barcalona and look to invest in building a new youth academy with young hungry coaches from top to bottem . the players i would like us to go for in the summer are BONY CARROLL VICTOR WANYAMA can play cb aswell as dm and a RM like Belhanda, or Draxler, i would also get douglas on a free aswell in the summer

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  • Sazzer

    May 9, 2013 at 8:03 PM

    Comment #34

    Moyes on a 6 year contract….

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  • jesperfuglsang - captain of the lemon crew

    May 9, 2013 at 8:06 PM

    Comment #35

    I was at a BJ concert in Glasgow in 2006 I think and ‘I Won’t Back Down’ was used as an intro for ‘Have a Nice Day’. There is actually a reference to that same song in the lyrics.

    ” Have A Nice Day.

    When The world keeps trying, to drag me down,
    I gotta raise my hands, I’m gonna stand my ground.
    Well I say, Have A Nice Day”

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  • cyprus

    May 9, 2013 at 8:06 PM

    Comment #36

    I think the Germans have a good approach. Super high buy out clauses, thus, players are ‘stuck’ in the teams they sign for unless a club is willing to cough up big time. Brings stability and heads don’t get turned so easily.

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  • Conaldo (The Wizard - Member of the Triangle of Intelligence)

    May 9, 2013 at 8:10 PM

    Comment #37

    Hello Jesper – yes it has been a while. I pop in occasionaly but nobody is ever here. I hope you are well!

    Who do we think will go to Everton then?

    Martinez seems the obvious choice IF wigan go down.

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  • Assam Toon

    May 9, 2013 at 8:12 PM

    Comment #38

    The thing to do on Sunday is to look for a pre agreement with someone who is a football club manager. Once we are safe many options will open up. I would hate to see Bobby Martinez relegated,so MA should steal him before Everton does. Also from one financially tight team to another, better he can come with us.

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  • moonraker

    May 9, 2013 at 8:13 PM

    Comment #39

    I heard a rumour from a normally sane source that Pardew is history at the end of the season and that Laudrup is coming to Toon 🙂

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  • Conaldo (The Wizard - Member of the Triangle of Intelligence)

    May 9, 2013 at 8:15 PM

    Comment #40

    Laudrup won’t come here. Would be excellent if he did, and I’m sure Jesper would be very happy!

    Most realistic chance of a top manager coming our way is Rene Girard.

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