This article is to introduce to you a dedicated Newcastle fan who wants to remain anonymous, but we can assure you he is real – and yes he’s a man, or to be more specific – he’s of the male sex.
Joe Magpie in silhouette – he’s also very good looking
We have an exclusive signed agreement with this famous person – a dedicated Newcastle fan – who we will call Joe Magpie – to keep his identity a secret – which is part of the exclusive agreement we have with him.
Joe’s answers to questions seem to be long (winded?) so we have asked him only one question in this initial exclusive interview.
Question: Who should Newcastle be signing this summer and why?
Answer from Joe Magpie:
“Newcastle are a world-class club so we need world-class players – that’s only logical – so I think Lionel Messi is the right choice – and he’s been at Barcelona since he was 12 years old – so he must be getting bored there – and he doesn’t suit that blue and scarlet strip at all. “
“And I watched the 0-0 draw between Argentina and Columbia last night, and there was a time in that first half when Messi was in deep conversation with Coloccini.” ” And if our lip-reading skills are as good as they used to be, Colo was telling Lionel how much better (and bigger) a club Newcastle were, than Barcelona, and that the weather was so much better in Newcastle than in southern Spain.”
“So Colo had obviously been given his directions from Ashley, Llambias and company to start the process of getting Messi to Newcastle this summer – that’s so obvious.”
“And he would not cost too much either – no more than £70M, and if we got owner Mike Ashley involved with his excellent negotiating skills, he could probably get Newcastle an even better deal than that – maybe give Tim Krul (Barcelona need a goalkeeper) plus Yohan Cabaye and Ben Arfa in part exchange plus say £50M in cash – what a fantastic deal that would be for Newcastle.”
“So my answer to the question is to bring in only the very best, and since that’s Lionel Messi at the moment, he’s the one we should be trying to get on Tyneside.” And we were worried that Newcastle were going to go after Wayne Rooney a month or so ago – he’s simply not good enough for Newcastle – that’s obvious too – and in any case he turned us down for Manchester United in 2004 – so his decision making is hardly a strength.”
Although Joe Magpie is real – you could think of him as the alter-ego of any Newcastle fan – much like Ziggy Stardust was Davide Bowie’s alter ego many years ago.
So this is the first exclusive interview ever for this blog – although we’ve probably used the word in the title before – but only because it sounded good.
And yes, this could also be the end of Joe Magpie’s career too, unless there are requests for more – with appropriate questions from our readers – but the questions shouldn’t be too serious or too difficult.
For the more serious minded reader – this is not meant to be serious. 😀
You can also reach Ed at email@example.com