Exclusive Interview With A Dedicated If Delusional Newcastle Fan


This article is to introduce to you a dedicated Newcastle fan who wants to remain anonymous, but we can assure you he is real – and yes he’s a man, or to be more specific – he’s of the male sex.

Joe Magpie

Joe Magpie in silhouette – he’s also very good looking

We have an exclusive signed agreement with this famous person – a dedicated Newcastle fan – who we will call Joe Magpie – to keep his identity a secret – which is part of the exclusive agreement we have with him.

Joe’s answers to questions seem to be long (winded?) so we have asked him only one question in this initial exclusive interview.

Question: Who should Newcastle be signing this summer and why?

Answer from Joe Magpie:

“Newcastle are a world-class club so we need world-class players – that’s only logical – so I think Lionel Messi is the right choice – and he’s been at Barcelona since he was 12 years old – so he must be getting bored there – and he doesn’t suit that blue and scarlet strip at all. “

“And I watched the 0-0 draw between Argentina and Columbia last night, and there was a time in that first half when Messi was in deep conversation with Coloccini.” ” And if our lip-reading skills are as good as they used to be, Colo was telling Lionel how much better (and bigger) a club Newcastle were, than Barcelona, and that the weather was so much better in Newcastle than in southern Spain.”

“So Colo had obviously been given his directions from Ashley, Llambias and company to start the process of getting Messi to Newcastle this summer – that’s so obvious.”

“And he would not cost too much either – no more than £70M, and if we got owner Mike Ashley involved with his excellent negotiating skills, he could probably get Newcastle an even better deal than that – maybe give Tim Krul (Barcelona need a goalkeeper) plus Yohan Cabaye and Ben Arfa in part exchange plus say £50M in cash – what a fantastic deal that would be for Newcastle.”

“So my answer to the question is to bring in only the very best, and since that’s Lionel Messi at the moment, he’s the one we should be trying to get on Tyneside.” And we were worried that Newcastle were going to go after Wayne Rooney a month or so ago – he’s simply not good enough for Newcastle – that’s obvious too – and in any case he turned us down for Manchester United in 2004 – so his decision making is hardly a strength.”

Although Joe Magpie is real – you could think of him as the alter-ego of any Newcastle fan – much like Ziggy Stardust was Davide Bowie’s alter ego many years ago.

So this is the first exclusive interview ever for this blog – although we’ve probably used the word in the title before – but only because it sounded good.

And yes, this could also be the end of Joe Magpie’s career too, unless there are requests for more – with appropriate questions from our readers – but the questions shouldn’t be too serious or too difficult.

For the more serious minded reader – this is not meant to be serious. 😀

Comments welcome.

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70 comments so far

  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:23 PM

    Comment #1

    slow day in the news room!

    0
  • david_NUFC

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:23 PM

    Comment #2

    what did I just read..

    0
  • IITianToon

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:26 PM

    Comment #3

    Wtf ED LOL
    Repost
    @BPC Wishing we were Bundesliga fans eh?
    By the way Stekelenburg is a pretty average goalkeeper. Timmy should be ahead of him surely for the World Cup!

    And yes that would indeed be a dream team. And yes we should stick in a bid for Marin. Go till 8 and then back of. But I’m sure MA and DL consider such things ‘waste of time’..

    In other news Cwarr07 thinks Bony is coming in. That must be bad news for Bony fans, cuz he surely ain’t coming then.

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  • Jail for Ashley

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    Comment #4

    What a strange post Ed, have you been at the port ?

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    Comment #5

    my question for joe Magpie…on the basis Pardew is managing our wonderful club to a slow and painful death, what implements of torture would you deem appropriate for the slow tortuous death of our esteemed manager

    0
  • Cool Hand Luke

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:29 PM

    Comment #6

    The use of the word ‘and’ at the start of sentences leads me to conclude that this mystery fan is none other than erstwhile NUFC schoolboy football star and sometime blog poster Ed Harrison.

    0
  • Cool Hand Luke

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:31 PM

    Comment #7

    @sparky55 Boiling tar from the battlements, or send him to the stockade.

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:31 PM

    Comment #8

    jail…we need you for this one…give us a pearl of wisdom!

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:33 PM

    Comment #9

    cool hand luke…not slow and painful enough…we need him to suffer like we have

    0
  • Indian Magpie

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:35 PM

    Comment #10

    When is my interview

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:37 PM

    Comment #11

    come on indian..this is made for you…let rip!

    0
  • 89Norcal

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:38 PM

    Comment #12

    70m 😆 should have just went full bore with the comedy and suggested MA would pay a quarter of a billion

    Wasn’t it 255m euros Barca turned down from a Russian club?

    Anyways nice to have a laugh

    0
  • Dannyo

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:43 PM

    Comment #13

    ?

    0
  • Indian Magpie

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:43 PM

    Comment #14

    Sparky

    For once i won’t

    0
  • Indian Magpie

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:44 PM

    Comment #15

    Has connor wickham done anything! ever!

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:44 PM

    Comment #16

    lol…perhaps appropriate

    0
  • Indian Magpie

    Jun 8, 2013 at 6:45 PM

    Comment #17

    Norway Just brought on a player who played for Full norway side yesterday.

    Danny welbeck wouldn’t even play

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  • gonufc (not Arf' bad)

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:00 PM

    Comment #18

    When he was at Ipswich Wickham looked like a real talent: strong, direct, a quality shot on him.

    Sunderland, or more accurately, Martin O’Neill have done him a lot of damage….

    0
  • Dannyo

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:06 PM

    Comment #19

    Love it when the Vikings do their work 🙂

    0
  • Jail for Ashley

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:11 PM

    Comment #20

    The very sad but true irony from last season was that it showed Mike Ashley was prepared to invest to protect his investment but not to enhance it, and if for example we were by some miracle sitting in sixth come January do you think that an 11M net spend would have happened to push us on…..this is the grim reality under Mike Ashley and we better get used to it.

    0
  • Belfast

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:14 PM

    Comment #21

    Holy f*** Ketsbia has hacked the blog.

    0
  • 89Norcal

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:16 PM

    Comment #22

    Kets is actually one of the more cogent and realistic users on this blog now…lol.

    0
  • Ruddy Marveaux-lous

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:22 PM

    Comment #23

    Ed, standards are slipping man, although in his defence it’s no more nonsensical than the majority of made up journalist’s rubbish about transfer rumours and the like.

    0
  • Belfast

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:22 PM

    Comment #24

    The next article from Joe Magpie will feature the kets signing list…

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:29 PM

    Comment #25

    or slanks leaving list!

    0
  • Belfast

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:31 PM

    Comment #26

    There’s no point signing Messi anyway.

    Pardew would play Jonas instead lol

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  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:34 PM

    Comment #27

    Aspas defo joining liverpool so no way carroll’s going back there to fight for his place…look’s like he’s coming home cos he doesn’t wanna be in london.

    All he has to do is accept the wage cut and for liverpool to accept the 10 million and he’s back home good or bad

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  • Belfast

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:37 PM

    Comment #28

    Sparky apparently west ham are going to pay him 100 grand a week lol

    I think maybe he’s probably asked for that, thinking West Ham would run a mile, but apparently they’re willing to pay it.

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:40 PM

    Comment #29

    looks like triple bluff with reverse twist is required!!!

    0
  • Tsunki

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:51 PM

    Comment #30

    Actually Ed has captured the essence of the blog extremis there quite nicely in all its Ketsbaiana. All we need is the Yang for this Yin. wonder which fan he will Catch for that interview.

    😉

    0
  • Tsunki

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    Comment #31

    I’m really tempted by that blue flashing box on the right with a smiley and the words ‘click here’ in it. Tempted to SMASH THE SCREEN that is. My head.

    0
  • Tsunki

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:54 PM

    Comment #32

    Bit breezy in here. I’ll just close the door…….

    0
  • Tsunki

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:56 PM

    Comment #33

    Oh and Belfast, here’s a question for ya –

    Shut up.

    0
  • Krul To Be Kind

    Jun 8, 2013 at 7:56 PM

    Comment #34

    Evening lads,

    I had a look at the released players from PL clubs and there are some cracking options I there. Here is a few I think are worth a punt, what’s your thoughts?

    Arsenal – Squillachi, Denilson, Watt
    Villa – Lichaj
    Everton – Hitzlesperger
    Fulham – Diarra, Petric
    Liverpool – Wilson
    Reading – Church, Hunt
    Stoke – Pennant
    Spurs – Bostock
    WBA – Fortune, Thomas
    Wigan – Crusat, Di Santo, Ronnie Stam

    These are just the more notable names that surprised me

    0
  • Jail for Ashley

    Jun 8, 2013 at 8:09 PM

    Comment #35

    The nice weather and lack of news does nowt for the blog on the upside I got my ticket for the fourth day of the Durham Ashes series.

    0
  • proudtobageordie

    Jun 8, 2013 at 8:09 PM

    Comment #36

    Skunki

    Evening mate long time no see. How are you?

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 8:23 PM

    Comment #37

    how old is Denilson now

    0
  • GeordieDan

    Jun 8, 2013 at 8:23 PM

    Comment #38

    Guessing Ed’s been hacked? Or to Vegas. 😀

    0
  • sparky55

    Jun 8, 2013 at 8:24 PM

    Comment #39

    and Petric looked really good at the beginning of the season…wonder what happened there?

    0
  • geordie157

    Jun 8, 2013 at 8:28 PM

    Comment #40

    Krul,

    I’ve been looking at those lists too.

    I’d put Di Santo as a maybe, as he’d be a useful squad player. But the rest aren’t worth a look.

    Lichaj and Bostock should get decent championship moves. Bostock when at Palace was a fantastic talent, him and Scannell I think it was, neither have developed as expected.

    0

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