If Kinnear Does These Things He Could Even Be Successful


It was a complete shock last Sunday when Joe Kinnear told the world that he was going to be the new Director of Football at Newcastle.

joe kinnear

Joe Kinnear – back at Newcastle

And of course he wasted no time at all in embarrassing both Newcastle and himself by making misstatements about himself,  and comically mispronouncing the names of some of Newcastle’s best players.

We don’t think Joe has what it takes to be an executive at anything – never mind a top executive   at a big club like Newcastle – but we’ve been thinking how he could make a decent recovery after such a catastrophic start as the new Director of Football.

Here’s some things he could do to mend his current image of a blundering baboon:

  • Give a nufcTv interview, and talk sensibly about the job you have taken. Tell the fans how it’s all going to work and why you were put in this new position
  • Don’t use the F word
  • Keep future interviews to a minimum, and allow Alan Pardew to continue being  the face of Newcastle to the press
  • Explain the benefits of having a Director of Football at the club –  after it was a disaster the first time around with Dennis Wise
  • Let Alan Pardew do his job
  • Let Graham Carr do his job
  • Create good working relationships with Alan Pardew and Graham Carr and work closely with them to pinpoint future Newcastle transfer targets, for the good of the club
  • Don’t ever criticize the Newcastle fans
  • Get a list of each Newcastle player along with their names and photos and memorize them – so you know who’s who in the squad – and make sure you pronounce their names correctly – especially the names of French players
  • Keep in the background at Newcastle – that’s what your new job requires if you are to be  a success

So those are some of the guidelines that immediately come to mind – if Joe Kinnear is ever going to make things work in his new Director of Football role.

What are some other pointers Joe should consider?

Note: Avid reader Michael Roe is competing in a grueling assault course called Total Warrior UK on August 3rd. It includes being electrocuted, crossing rivers and climbing 7ft walls, traversing fire pits and the like. Michael is doing this for Cancer Research UK and his target is to raise £500. Here’s Michael’s Just Giving page – if you can help please do.

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319 comments so far

  • Indian Magpie

    Jun 21, 2013 at 10:54 AM

    Comment #1

    I will use the F word

    Faith – i have lost

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  • Jail for Ashley

    Jun 21, 2013 at 10:54 AM

    Comment #2

    Having his sausage like fingers put through one of thosd old fashioned clothes wringers is too good for Ashley.

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  • sparky55

    Jun 21, 2013 at 10:56 AM

    Comment #3

    Torq…this really good striker we’re going to get…Is that a Carr recommendation or a JFK

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  • Indian Magpie

    Jun 21, 2013 at 10:57 AM

    Comment #4

    sparky55

    I think he was joking.

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  • TorqToon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    Comment #5

    All our targets were identified before JK was at the club mate. The only one that it appears we have binned off is Douglas.

    I have no idea if JK has identified NEW targets or just backed our current ones.

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  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    Comment #6

    glad to see no one is taking any notice of that hardy prics story in the independent re benny

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  • JackButler

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    Comment #7

    What are some other pointers Joe should consider?

    Well Ed how about exiling himself to the Outer Hebrides where he can crawl back under a rock and slip from all memory? that would be a welcome start 😀

    Kinnear can’t keep his mouth shut, he’s more likely to inflame any bad feeling between Carr and Pardew and he’s a constant source of embarressment

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  • Rooster

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    Comment #8

    Bernie Slave banging on about us on the legends, how is your super owner Steve Gibson doing at the moment eh, over financed the club and now boro are like most of the rest that go down, buggered, havnt got a pot to pee in, what about wolves, how do their supporters feel???

    MA may make electric shock decisions but, we have an international player available in every position, not to bad is it to be fair and from decent international teams as well, we can go and buy players with cash, not on the never never like hall n shepherd and steve Gibson and Milan mandric, there clubs have just about folded, its is not all hands to the deck at the toon, unpopular decision last week of course but MA will, keep it in house and employ people he trusts, and JK seems like he is one of them, he has knew the fella for an awful long time, he trusts him, nothing we can do about it, am noy having a pop at fans for getting down about last week, I was also, buT there are still a lot of positives about NUFC, just tell JK to JEEP IT SHTUM A BIT MORE, AND DO HIS TALKING IN THE BOARDROOM OR TRAINING GROUND.

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  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:02 AM

    Comment #9

    all this carr leaving talk stemmed from him aswell there may be a power struggle but i reckon carr has got ashleys backing an he is a fan … no way he will leave (famous last words

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  • Lilongwe Geordie

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    Comment #10

    Rooster,
    Fair enough, I only picked up on it as you specified my name at the start. I agree, the more money the club makes the more we are likely to spend. However, if Kinnear is making the final decisions that may not be a good thing. Time will tell.

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  • Belfast

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    Comment #11

    How about just taping his mouth up for 3 years ?

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  • TorqToon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    Comment #12

    Naptoon – One of the worst articles I’ve ever read!!! No quotes, sources, nothing.

    Terrible. But unfortunately only a matter of time before ed puts a “BEN ARFA TO BE SOLD TO FUND PURCHASES” article, and people will take it as gospel and the blog will implode.

    Dont do it, Ed !!!! 🙂

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  • sparky55

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    Comment #13

    TORQ…of those that you have been made aware of on the ‘possible strikers’ list…who do you think is favourite and have your heard the same as me re Bent

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  • sirjasontoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:06 AM

    Comment #14

    JK Dinosaur.

    0
  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM

    Comment #15

    i was going to ask ed the exact same thing last night!

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  • wolfshead@toon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM

    Comment #16

    rooster

    i like it when joe talks even if mainly wrong it makes a change to have an idea what the clubs plans are its the silence that worrys me…

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  • BandB

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM

    Comment #17

    Carr ID staying, apparently, after being given assurances about this role. Good news.

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  • Belfast

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:08 AM

    Comment #18

    If anybody goes, it should be Pardew.
    Graham Carr signs good players, but Pardew plays in a way that doesn’t suit them. Plays them out of position, and plays his favourites ahead of them, even though his favourites are shite.

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  • BandB

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM

    Comment #19

    Carr IS staying, apparently, after being given assurances about his role. Good news.
    Stoopid fingers.

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  • Charlie in the Gallowgate

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM

    Comment #20

    Press Association have just announced Chief Scout Graham Carr will be staying after getting assurances from Honest Joe

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  • Raffo

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM

    Comment #21

    SPARKY/TORQ – I would take Bent, but only in addition to another ST. He isnt what we need to be the ONLY forward addition. Bent + Gomis/PEA/Bony/De Jong then happy days

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  • TorqToon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:09 AM

    Comment #22

    Sparky I’ve not heard anything re bent. But from what I read, they are asking way too much for him. £8mil wasn’t it?!?! We wont pay that.

    0
  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:11 AM

    Comment #23

    band b
    source

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  • BandB

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    Comment #24

    Snapped by the Press Association about 15 minutes ago.

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  • jonobbad

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    Comment #25

    Can I ask why people all think Torq know more than us.

    Sorry Torq you might think I’m just being a d**k but I’d like to know. I haven’t read all your posts so I might be missing the fact that you are really jimmy Carr or something.

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  • JackButler

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Comment #26

    Bent would be a poor addition as Pardew would have him player at right back

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  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Comment #27

    champion i never believed he would leave just press shite stirring

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  • Rooster

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Comment #28

    wolfshead, JK has always been controversial and he oversteps the line and dosnt give a fcuk most of the time, but he has allianated the press and they will be after him and us, we will get the publicity of course, MA wont mind that, but he has to simmer it down, he bites far to easily, is it a ploy, I don’t think so, he has the little big man syndrome dosnt he.

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  • Rooster

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    Comment #29

    BandB NOBODY ON THEIR 8 YEAR HONEY CONTRACTS ARE GOING ANYWHERE.

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  • Belfast

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    Comment #30

    Good news. I’m sure he would of been in demand if he did leave.

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  • Tommyy

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:15 AM

    Comment #31

    We shouldn’t even be in for Bent in the first place! we need big Demba Ba back and a natural winger, then an expert coach on passing and moving. I like our short passing sometimes but the players off the ball are so static it never gets us anywhere.

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  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:15 AM

    Comment #32

    jonno
    he had a good hit rate in the winter window and (unfortunately) about technical reshuffle

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  • TorqToon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:15 AM

    Comment #33

    Jono – I dont think you are being a d**k or anything. Everybody entitled to whatever opinions they want.

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  • Tommyy

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:16 AM

    Comment #34

    Why has a technical coach been neglected when it’s clearly a priority!? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, a council of a few savvy fans would see us prosper no matter the budget just by properly identifying what we need!

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  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:18 AM

    Comment #35

    the problem with that tommy the haves do not like being told what to do by the have nots

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  • wolfshead@toon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    Comment #36

    rooster

    he enjoys flapping his gums but he is in the loop he knew about llambias resigning before it was announced so for all the bluster there is an element of truth behind it all at least we will have an idea of whats going on regarding transfers etc its just one extreme to another dekka to jfk haha

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  • TorqToon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    Comment #37

    Tommyy – I see indykalia has us linked with bringing Demba ba back home?

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  • naptoon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    Comment #38

    so he wont be back then

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  • TorqToon

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    Comment #39

    Naptoon – No mate! 🙂

    He is cwarr07 Mark II

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  • JackButler

    Jun 21, 2013 at 11:23 AM

    Comment #40

    Tommyy

    I think most fans would have said that the coaching set up needs to be looked at as we are obviously lacking in that area and perhaps that is something that Kinnear will bring about. We also need to find out just why the hell our injury nightmare seems to get worse every season, we lose so many player from knocks picked up on the training ground, in my opinion our fitness coaches and medical staff have to be scrutinised along with Pardew

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