It was a complete shock last Sunday when Joe Kinnear told the world that he was going to be the new Director of Football at Newcastle.
Joe Kinnear – back at Newcastle
And of course he wasted no time at all in embarrassing both Newcastle and himself by making misstatements about himself, and comically mispronouncing the names of some of Newcastle’s best players.
We don’t think Joe has what it takes to be an executive at anything – never mind a top executive at a big club like Newcastle – but we’ve been thinking how he could make a decent recovery after such a catastrophic start as the new Director of Football.
Here’s some things he could do to mend his current image of a blundering baboon:
- Give a nufcTv interview, and talk sensibly about the job you have taken. Tell the fans how it’s all going to work and why you were put in this new position
- Don’t use the F word
- Keep future interviews to a minimum, and allow Alan Pardew to continue being the face of Newcastle to the press
- Explain the benefits of having a Director of Football at the club – after it was a disaster the first time around with Dennis Wise
- Let Alan Pardew do his job
- Let Graham Carr do his job
- Create good working relationships with Alan Pardew and Graham Carr and work closely with them to pinpoint future Newcastle transfer targets, for the good of the club
- Don’t ever criticize the Newcastle fans
- Get a list of each Newcastle player along with their names and photos and memorize them – so you know who’s who in the squad – and make sure you pronounce their names correctly – especially the names of French players
- Keep in the background at Newcastle – that’s what your new job requires if you are to be a success
So those are some of the guidelines that immediately come to mind – if Joe Kinnear is ever going to make things work in his new Director of Football role.
What are some other pointers Joe should consider?
Note: Avid reader Michael Roe is competing in a grueling assault course called Total Warrior UK on August 3rd. It includes being electrocuted, crossing rivers and climbing 7ft walls, traversing fire pits and the like. Michael is doing this for Cancer Research UK and his target is to raise £500. Here’s Michael’s Just Giving page – if you can help please do.
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319 comments so far
Belfast
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:23 AM
Comment #41Indy Kalia is full of shite. Don’t listen to him.
JackButler
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:23 AM
Comment #42http://tyneandwear.sky.com/newcastleunited/article/71584/chief-scout-graham-carr-to-stay-at-newcastle-following-ashley
Rooster
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Comment #43Wolfs, of course its mad its TOONWORLD,
Tommyy, I was begging us to go down the technical coaching route, of course I was not expecting this other route ha ha. im no pardew fan at all he needs help, JK is the man apparently for that, most of us don’t agree of course, but its happening, lets see.
ash1001
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Comment #44This is getting too or maybe is already a complete and utter ‘cock-up’ by someone.
Hell, who wins football matches, not the Owner, MD, DofF, Manager, or Chief Scout. it’s the players on the field that win matches. At NUFC it’s all of the above except the players getting the air time at present.
Someone please tell me in which other club does the Chief Scout get as much publicity as ours, I am not saying he is looking for it, that just appears to be the way it is. is it not time all this pushing and shoving stopped, ED is getting loads of hits were we are all sounding off about one thing or another, mainly including JFK, AP and GC, what we all want is a good team playing attractive football, that should be our aim, so lets make it so. – The Power is Ours, by whatever means.
LooneyToon41
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:31 AM
Comment #45Rooster.
This Pardrew 8 year HONEY contract, doesn’t neccessarily mean MA has to pay it all up if Pardew is sacked. It’s infact very unlikely, as the contract will very probably have performance clauses.
I have a similar employment contract myself.
ManU linked to Thiago from Barca – £17m. Now that is a good buy!
tequilamag
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:31 AM
Comment #46Tommyy, nice idea in principle but even a cursory read through of this blog will tell anyone that there is no consensus of opinion among the supporters. Personally I would be horrified if some of the people who post on here were given any kind of voice as to the direction of the club.
jayphoto
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:33 AM
Comment #47Bit gutted about not signing douglas, seen him alot and im
A big fan but Collo Staying is better than any centreback we would have brought in! Doesn’t matter if we sign Pearce, he’ll be 4th choice anyway!
wynsleap
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:37 AM
Comment #48Jack Butler @40 – Kinnear a coach?
Only if they fitted him with wheels, seats and a steering wheel.
Kinnear is nothing – coach, manager or PR man and certainly not a Director of Football.
He’s only here as a drinking buddy of Ashley. Nice work if you can get it.
jayphoto
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:38 AM
Comment #49Got a feeling if Carr has has assurances from Ashley and Kinnear then it’s Pardew who is seen as a weak link! Got a feeling JK is eager to pull the trigger, I think even a big 5-0 defeat at City would see him pull it, reckon we ‘ll have to have a fantastic start, 4 or 5 wins in first 8 games for Pardew to keep his job! One thing about Kinnear is that he doesn’t pander or beat around the bush and he’ll know if nufc lose alot of games the press will point the finger at him (his own doing)
Jail for Ashley
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:39 AM
Comment #50On Shearer
And so it begins, turning on a local legend for simply pointing out that a regime that are lawfully proven liars are at it again,it is very true that the name change has got nothing to do with Alan Shearer but everything to do with him when the club have released a statement saying he has been supportive in the change, will you turn on the Milburn family when the club issue a statement saying that they felt a change was in order and the Milburns believe that Mike Ashley is very deserving of a stand named after him.
Rooster
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:40 AM
Comment #51Loony, just my opinion, of course I will come back on if it goes tits up, but I say none of the staff on 8 year contracts are going anywhere.
JackButler
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:41 AM
Comment #52wynsleap
Not saying that Kinnear should have a coaching role, I meant that perhaps he will see that we need another coach and bring one in
Charlie in the Gallowgate
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:47 AM
Comment #53Naming of stands – call me old fashioned
Must admit not keen on naming stands and bars after people.
To me The Leazes End will always be the Leazes End.
The Gallowgate End the Gallowgate End.
The Popular Side the Popular Side.
and St James’ Park St. James’ Park
Can’t remember if the Main stand had a name
Also get rid of the clock and bring back the Ten Minutes and Five minutes to go
And – The half time Scoreboard.
Hells Bells – showing my age now!
jayphoto
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Comment #54Club have made a big donation to Shearers foundation as a sign of goodwill after changing the name though! Lot of ppl seem to have missed that! Strikes me alot of folk on here forget what shearer did for us as a player, even saw some cretin on here say shearer is jealous because cisse is better than he ever was….for me shearer is probably our greatest ever player and greatest centre forward the premier league saw
Hatem's better than Messi
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Comment #55I’d like to see Kinnear do the assault course with Michael Roe.
He’s says he’s as fit as he’s ever been?
If I sponsor Joe can I choose where the electric shocks are applied?
Charlie in the Gallowgate
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Comment #56Whoops
forgot to add flags
Also get rid of the clock and bring back the Ten Minutes and Five minutes to go flags
And – The half time Scoreboard.
Hells Bells – showing my age now!
Belfast
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:56 AM
Comment #57Cisse a better player than Shearer Haha
That’s the biggest load of bollox I’ve ever heard.
Cisse couldn’t lace Shearers boots.
Unbelievable Tekkers
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:57 AM
Comment #58Torq – Hi mate how u doin? Anything new regarding siem de Jong?
fatman
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Comment #59All Time Premier League Top Scorers
The top ten all time Premier League top scorers are:
1. Alan Shearer: 260 goals in 434 appearancess
2. Andy Cole: 187 goals in 408 appearancess
3. Thierry Henry: 176 goals in 258 appearances *
4. Robbie Fowler: 163 goals in 375 appearances
5. Frank Lampard: 159 goals in 536 appearances *
6. Wayne Rooney: 152 goals in 333 appearances *
7. Michael Owen: 150 goals in 322 appearances *
8. Les Ferdinand: 150 goals in 347 appearances
9. Teddy Sheringham: 146 goals in 407 appearancess
10. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink: 127 goals in 287 appearances
toonluvva
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:59 AM
Comment #60Good news that Carr is staying. Even better that he has the confidence of Mr Ashley.
I would rather have brought in someone with technical expertise to take over the coaching of the squad, setting out our tactics and identifying the correct position for each player.
Oh, that was supposed to be Mr Pardew’s role. Never mind, bring in someone who can do all of that without playing his favourites game after game even when they are not performing properly.
We have part done the job by removing Mr Llambias IMO, but bringing back Joke was a mistake that will cost big time in the long run.
wolfshead@toon
Jun 21, 2013 at 11:59 AM
Comment #61the problem with ashley is he seems reclusive/socially awkward all the time hes been an owner he doesnt seem to have built a up a network maybe if he was to ask for advice from other chairmen? managers do it all the time saf gave advice to pards tho it seems to have fallen of deaf ears haha
DokToon
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Comment #62gmorning all, from myside of the pond…
“dont use the F word”… you mean as in, “NUFC is in first?” 🙂 750-1 odds to win the league, im putting 20 on that fyi…
jono, btw, never question sir torq.. he’s ITK more than anyone here, imo… 🙂
sparky55
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:16 PM
Comment #63heard on the grapevine JFK’s bringing in Bosingwa as a defensive coach!
to be fair he did save us from going down so does deserve the gig don’t you think????
John Tudor
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:45 PM
Comment #64you are having a laugh there sparky
Hatem's better than Messi
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:53 PM
Comment #65Alex Pierce just signed 2 year deal at Reading.
Another CB target gone Joe?
Stevenage Magpie
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Comment #66TORQ: do our targets remain the same? PEA, De Jong etc? Or will that have all changed now?
low fell mag
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:55 PM
Comment #67Great news if Mr Carr is staying,,,now lets get the ball rolling,bring in a few more blue chip players.
F@ck all this negative crap,bitching and fighting and let the ShowRoll begin.
Stevenage Magpie
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:56 PM
Comment #68If Pearce has signed a new contract at Reading then obviously he wasn’t even a target, don’t forget there is a lot of bullshit out there and we now do most of our business on the quiet
danuneek
Jun 21, 2013 at 12:59 PM
Comment #69I’m probably going to get stoned for saying this but, what if the insider reports that Pardew and Carr are at odds is true? The signs are there for all to see… one of the players used as an example was that of Anita! Clearly a very technically gifted player and good passer of the ball, a signing Carr has made with the intention of him slotting into a more technically set up team. Unfortunately, we’re all aware of Pardew’s failings in this area, his direct style of play does not suit the type of player Carr wants to sign. I can see why there would be friction between the two, and I can also see why Ashley’s lack of football knowledge would put him in a difficult situation, he clearly doesn’t want to loose either of them. The relationship obviously hasn’t been managed particularly well by lambias and his lack of football experience may have contributed to this. So, Ashley looks to someone he knows, respects and has experience in the game ie Kinnear. It wouldn’t of been my choice but lets just see what happens… that first interview certainly hasn’t done him any favors though!
WWYCD
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:00 PM
Comment #70What’s going on then big news of the day seems to be Carr stopping and the over priced bar getting a name change, out else if any interest?
Tommyy
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:03 PM
Comment #71Of course it would have to be a democratic vote of fans within areas where there are supporter clubs etc but it could be done and it could give Ashley a way of communicating ideas with the fans before implementing them and really get him back onside. But as we know he probably doesn’t care.
On Ba, we need goals and we can’t spend the Earth, therefore he makes sense but I highly doubt it as you guys say if it’s IndyKaila.
remy D
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:06 PM
Comment #72I got the poison I got the ?
Tommyy
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Comment #73If Kinnear is going to be looking into the coaching set up then I hope he has the sense to realise what players we have and the direction we need to go in order to utilise them. We need to be playing fast flowing football with crosses whipped in and through balls where possible due to the movement of the players. We can all see this, so
If nothing has changed in our play next year then every single on of them has failed regardless of results because they won’t last.
Macas
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Comment #74danuneek – Pardew said near the end of the season he expects Anita to play more of a part next season, he would hardly say that if the story in the paper was true and he didn’t rate him. I’ve seen about 3 or 4 different articles about the current situation in the last day or two, all with a different spin on things, they are simply guessing at to what’s going on, as nobody except those within the club know for sure.
danuneek
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:14 PM
Comment #75Macas, I appreciate what your saying, but I wasn’t saying it was true, just merely what if and from a lot of what I’ve read this seemed the more likely. Guess I’m just trying to be positive!
danuneek
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Comment #76And also what someone says in the press doesn’t always reflect their true thoughts!
wynsleap
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Comment #77Charlie in the Gallowgate @ 53 – You forgot about the floodlight pylons as well. I always thought as a kid there was something magical about them. Mind you they took a long time to warm up and sometimes one or more went out during a game.
They were great for some supporters to climb up though and wave their scarves and add to the atmosphere.
We don’t have excitement at the Toon like that any more!
pigeon
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:17 PM
Comment #78If those are the requirements for JK to be successful, then clearly he isn’t going to be successful. Simple
John Tudor
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:21 PM
Comment #79or the smell of the brewery
John Tudor
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:21 PM
Comment #80or the lavveys in the gallowgate