Mike Ashley’s New Five Year Plan For Newcastle


Newcastle fans are rightly upset, dispirited and angry at the latest events taking place at Newcastle, with Yohan Cabaye sold last week and not replaced, and then we equaled a 91 year old record by losing for the third time in a row to Sunderland, and it was another 3-0 hammering by the Black Cats, who were 4th bottom before the game.

mike ashley smiling

Mike Ashley – new (fictional) five-year plan

Maybe it would be a good time right now for Ashley to make public his new five-year plan for the club.

The last one was eon track in the summer of 2012, when we finished 5th in the league and qualified for Europe, and that was even after we had been relegated after that disastrous September in 2008, when Dennis Wise brought in some players without Kevin Keegan even knowing about it.

Maybe if Mike brought out this new five-year plan he may get some support from the plans for a change.

Here’s what we’d like to hear from Mike Ashley as his new five year plan, and I thought this up this morning when I took my dog Milo for his hour long walk.

===================

  • Our number one aim in this new five year plan is to once again become a top four club in England, but we will need a little time to get there – but we have nevertheless put this new plan in place.
  • This season we want to finish in the top eight – next year in the top six, and then by the summer of 2016 we want to qualify for the Champions League – that will now be our main focus as to how we do all our business – to make Newcastle United once more into a top four club.
  • We also think this will be a very good message to new players coming into the club, and the players already at the club, and will help us keep the good players we already have, as well as attract  top new players, who we realize want to play in the Champions League.
  • As a start to this plan the fans will see new players coming in over the summer months, and while we didn’t manage to get anybody over the line last month – Joe Kinnear is busy trying to get our targets signed up, and as we sign these players to pre-contract agreements – with the deals starting on July 1st this year – we will announce the players who are coming into the club, as we get them to sign the pre-contract agreements, and that’s after we have agreed a fee with their club and the wages with the players.
  • As you may know, we will be getting increased revenues from the Premier League over the next three years, and if we finish in the top ten in May that amount from the Premier League should be sizable, and may be even double what we got last year, and of course we received  a good fee for Yohan Cabaye.
    We want Newcastle fans to know that any profits we make as a club will now be directly invested back into the club, and will be used principally to buy new players, but also in building up our Youth Academy and Scouting Network under Chief Scout Graham Carr.
  • We also intend to continually improve the facilities at Darsley Park and at St. James’ Park so that Newcastle will have some of the best facilities of any football club in Europe – which is fitting because of  our great history.
  • And we know there has been some concern that we have Sports Direct signs at St. James’ Park, and we have taken a new direction on that.
    Starting in the next financial year (July 1st this year), Sports Direct will pay Newcastle United the going rate for those adverts, which we estimate at £10M per year, although our longer term direction is to replace these over time with new advertisers – as we fully realize we must greatly increase the commercial revenues of the club.
  • We have been a little disappointed with the attendances at Newcastle this season, and want to ensure we keep getting sell-outs for all our home Premier League games, and as you know we have provided excellent prices to  fans for their season tickets, and even though that has reduced our match-day revenues – we will continue with that.
    And once we start to get sell-out crowds again at the club, we will look seriously at expanding the capacity  of St. James’ Park by around 8,000,  so the overall attendance at the club will be increased to 60,000, and that will help with our match-day revenues.
  • I understand there is some frustration that I never speak to the fans.
    Alan Pardew is the official spokesman for the club, and Joe Kinnear writes notes for the program of every home game. I have decided to write notes in one of the home programs at the beginning of each quarter, beginning on April 1st, and I will inform the fans of what we are doing, why we are doing it and the progress we have made – and by this means fans will be better able to understand what we are trying to do to make Newcastle a great club again.
  • We need the fans to understand that I only have their best interests at heart,  and I am now committed to making Newcastle United a top four club in England as the new major thrust of the club. We were a top four club  when Kevin Keegan was the manager in the 1990s and when Sir Bobby Robson was managing the club over 10 years ago – and there’s no reason we cannot be a top four club again.
  • And one last point – as well as prioritizing the Premier League we also respect the FA Cup and the League Cup, now called the Capital One Cup,  and those Cups will be major push from now on for our club – so we can end that poor record of not having won a trophy since 1969 when we won the Inter Cities Fairs Cup under captain Bob Moncur, who is now an ambassador of our club.
    Before his five-year plan is up we want to win one of those Cups, and that’s another important goal for the club.

We should stress the above is fictional – however we think if Mike Ashley would commit to some of the above – especially in the major goal of becoming a top four club again in England – he would  get support from fans, which he’s never really had.

He’d get our support.

Comments welcome.

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272 comments so far

  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:26 PM

    Comment #1

    There you go!
    Ed’s Magpie Carta.

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  • catchy in norway

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:27 PM

    Comment #2

    ciaran

    you see though that is my point ,

    we could replace a manager now and play better football, this short term could be 7 more years , and I carnt take that,

    I could live with someone buying the players , and selling them, leaving the manager to pick from what he has,

    you will never see me in here saying if we sign this player we could do this, it’s all ifs and buts, the manager can only work with what he has, and I think that what we have right now can do way better than we are,

    there are many battles ahead , tackle them all,

    and can I say , I’m not interested in finances, I’m not interested in how much any player is worth, I want to watch good football , we don’t need messi or Ronaldo to play good football, just a good plan

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:27 PM

    Comment #3

    The five year plan is simple – Retain our Premier League place while spending as little as possible and running at the overall lowest cost point possible.

    Trophies?
    Champions League?

    Pah!!!!!!!!

    Not even in his thinking

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:28 PM

    Comment #4

    Ed
    I get the feeling you wrote that in blood,then typed it out.

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  • usmagpie

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:29 PM

    Comment #5

    Another 5 year plan???? Isn’t there still 3 years left on the old 5 year plan. The plan is not that complicated, build a squad that can handle the league and cup competitions and then retain the services of our best players and stop selling them for a profit without replacements. Surely that’s it RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

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  • catchy in norway

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:29 PM

    Comment #6

    mojo hooooop kisser

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  • the fan

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    Comment #7

    The most inportant person at a football club is the manager and we need a one now.

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  • Ciaran

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:34 PM

    Comment #8

    Catchy

    I understand how you feel, I really do. Picture the hatred you have your Pardew, but change Pardew to Ashley and you’d understand how I feel.

    I don’t want Pardew as our manager, and would love to see a more ambitious, driven, continental manager who could get more out of our players, but imagine that manager came in, got us up to 5th/6th? Ashley would undermine him the same way he undermined Pardew.

    I ask you again, what would be the point but for seeing slightly better football on a really short term basis?

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:34 PM

    Comment #9

    Carchy
    Is that a Norwegian manager you want to take over Pards?,never heard of him.

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:36 PM

    Comment #10

    Catchy

    A genuine question for you.

    Who would you want to replace Pardew as our manager is he is sacked???

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:36 PM

    Comment #11

    *if he is sacked*

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  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:37 PM

    Comment #12

    People have been crying out for a clear, reasonable mission statement from the fans’ groups.
    Ed has made a start.
    King John wasn’t very keen on the idea of the Magna Carta either.
    But people didn’t mutter and moan about how it couldn’t possibly work.
    These are reasonable points I’d like to see taken up, and not scoffed at from the start because they seem unlikely to be accepted.
    “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery.
    “None but ourselves can free our minds.”

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  • Naz M

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:37 PM

    Comment #13

    Get lost Ashley

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  • Ciaran

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    Comment #14

    *for Pardew

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:39 PM

    Comment #15

    “I’ve no fear for atomic energy,cause none of them can stop the time”

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  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:39 PM

    Comment #16

    Thanks Mojo 🙂

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  • toonluvva

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:41 PM

    Comment #17

    ED,

    many fans would share your ambitions, but A$h£ey is not at all on the same wavelength.

    All his actions, whether in his appointments or the inaction in the transfer windows merely highlight this.

    A$h£ey is reported to be “furious” with Pardew over the SAFC match. He couldn’t actually care if we won or lost, what annoys him is that he getting more negative press questioning what he is doing.

    A$h£ey has a new 5 year plan? It probably involves maintaining a mid-table position. Selling off players as soon as a reasonable offer comes in, ignoring any impact it might have on the team. Pardew’s contract will run down another 5 years, and Kinnear will, well act just like Kinnear has always done. Namely nothing.

    The crowds will drop, possibly below 30k. But he will still be getting huge sums for promoting SportsDirect.

    New 5 Year plan, I’ll believe it when I see it.

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  • Ciaran

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:41 PM

    Comment #18

    Not a mission statement from T4C (harder to draft a mission statement for a coalition…just ask the current government) but this is what I found on MAOC facebook page.

    —————————————————————————

    WHAT SIDE ARE YOU ON?

    “The day Mike Ashley leaves Newcastle will be a good day for the fans” (Kevin Keegan)

    Since Mike Ashley took over NUFC in 2007 these are the undeniable truths;

    • 1 Relegation
    • The humiliation of 2 club legends
    • The unexplained sacking of Chris Hughton
    • The continued sale of our best players
    • A complete disregard for the fans, the club and the city by proven liars
    • Bottom of the Premier League in team investment since 2007
    The re-naming of our home ground to advertise his own brand.
    The denigration of the club name by association with morally dubious sponsors.
    Continued offensive insults and threats from Ashley appointed employees towards fans.
    The resurrection of footballing dinosaur, Joe Kinnear, to his second role at the club

    The club is totally unambitious, in decline and our future is being gambled away.

    St James’s Park has become an advertising hoarding for Sports Direct and the club is being consumed into Ashley’s Profit-Making Empire.

    Ashley and his cohorts are a CANCER at this club and MUST BE STOPPED!

    What can we do about it?

    Money talks! The fans have to stop feeding the Monster!

    To start our campaign we propose;

    • A total and sustained boycott of all club shops – no strips, scarves, or other merchandise.
    • A total and sustained boycott of the place formerly known as Shearer’s Bar.
    • A total and sustained boycott of all in-ground refreshments – pies, pints, bovrils etc.
    • A total and sustained boycott of all Sports Direct Stores across the North East (including his brands and subsidiaries)
    • A continued vocal demonstration inside and outside the ground, both before and after matches

    WE, THE FANS, HOLD THE POWER TO BRING ABOUT CHANGE. UNITED, WE CAN DO IT!

    If you want to find out more then join The Mike Ashley Out Campaign (M.A.O.C.) E-Mail maoc@hotmail.co.uk or facebook MAOC

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Comment #19

    BandB
    “How long must they kill our prophets while we stand aside and look?”

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Comment #20

    Or profits?

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  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:43 PM

    Comment #21

    Mojo,

    I can’t see many profits for the chop around here, can you?

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  • Ciaran

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:43 PM

    Comment #22

    On form today Mojo 😛

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:44 PM

    Comment #23

    BandB
    Not from where i am sitting,but Jabba can be pretty creative.

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:44 PM

    Comment #24

    “All it takes for evil to succeed is for a few good men to do nothing…”

    ? Edmund Burke

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  • Charlie in the Gallowgate

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:46 PM

    Comment #25

    toonarmydownsouth
    previous thread
    at least 4 or 5

    To honest/hopefully I think things will change in the summer.

    I think Ashley got a shock on Saturday on how bad we were and lack of players to come
    Does not like to back a loser

    Maybe change quicker than you/I expect

    Club on a sound footing money to spend and it is cash we pay usually not a bit hear a bit there.

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  • MrMojoRisin76

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:46 PM

    Comment #26

    Ciaran
    Cheers dude.

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  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:48 PM

    Comment #27

    Ciaran,

    What I like about Ed’s, in comparison, is that it focuses on the future, and not past grievances.
    It also sets a challenge to be met through a set of aims, which can be negotiated in tandem with more direct action if need be.
    A carrot, to go with the stick?
    If he says no, or says nothing, his intentions would be clearer.

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  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:49 PM

    Comment #28

    JB,

    Now there ARE a few Burke’s for the chop around here.

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:54 PM

    Comment #29

    BandB

    “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

    – Albert Einstein

    That quote applies directly to the fans if anyone is still left with a single thought that things will ever change under Ashley and co.

    If we don’t take a stand now!!!……………..well, we deserve everything we get from him as we will effectively be giving him carte blanche

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  • ErnestHemingway

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:59 PM

    Comment #30

    JackButler

    I don’t know whos quote it is but I can’t take the credit for it. It’s a quote that is very apt, not just to the situation at nufc, but to many situations all over the world.

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  • spitfire_

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:00 PM

    Comment #31

    Only watching this self-righteous pr!ck on the picture I want to hit him with the shovel right through his face.

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:01 PM

    Comment #32

    Ciaran @18

    Personally I think we have to go that one step further now.

    Boycotting his SD shops, Number 9 bar or the SJP refreshments stands will have little to no effect on Ashley.

    We need to boycott games en mass as it has come to the point where we need to generate massive media attention to our discontent at what he is doing.

    An empty SJP will hit him harder than any other form of boycott

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  • BandB

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:05 PM

    Comment #33

    JB

    “If he says no, or says nothing, his intentions would be clearer.”

    At present, many claim the case against him is unproven.

    Until he is put on the spot, and fails to provide answers, there is no case. Has he been properly put on the spot?

    I see the same squabbles happening again and again day in and day out. “Shola should be dropped!” “No he shouldn’t!” “Yes he should!”

    Since when have I been a dupe?

    I don’t want to be part of a muttering, surly mob, gathering and dispersing.

    I want progress. I want change. In whichever way it can be brought about. And that will involve being canny.

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:05 PM

    Comment #34

    ErnestHemingway

    It’s from Edmund Burke, don’t know where the question mark came from???

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  • ilovetoon8788

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:07 PM

    Comment #35

    What trophys?? What plan??

    Buy players who are cheap and are potentially worth way more than purchased. Keep Pardew, who doesn’t moan and will tow the line. Sell players as soon as big money is possible. And run the club at the lowest cost while promoting SD throughout the entire stadium.

    Finishing above mid table or getting into Europa is unfortunate and purely coincidental. Avoiding relegation is priority.

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  • JackButler

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:10 PM

    Comment #36

    BandB

    you will never get him in the position to put him on the spot though, the guy has never come out and spoken to us, he’s someone who simply doesn’t give a damn about us, this club or the community as a whole.

    As long as people continue to sit back and offer the odd chant here and there, nothing will change. We are said to be the best fans a club could have……………..well its about time we proved that by coming together and ousting this man for the good of everyone

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  • antspants

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:11 PM

    Comment #37

    Im not a Pardew fan but I am starting to feel sorry for him, he is constantly having to answer questions that he is not truthfully allowed to answer and is taking the flack for signings (or lack of) that are out of his control.
    At 28 the Cabaye sale made sense but only if a suitable replacement was in line. According to Cabaye the club new he was off but nothing was done.
    If Pardew was to be sacked who would honestly want the position ?
    There is not one manager with any credibility that would want the position of being the front man of our club>
    No funds for transfers and continually being hung out to dry !!!

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  • magicbus

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:12 PM

    Comment #38

    Yr 1 finish 17th
    Yr 2 finish 17th
    Yr 3 finish 17th
    Yr 4 finish 17th
    Yr 5 finish 17th

    There you have the next 5 year plan because Premier League tv revenue is the be all and end all in this cretins world.

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  • ilovetoon8788

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:12 PM

    Comment #39

    Last season we finished 16th. Luuk nor Remy will be back and guaranteed neither will want to sign for us.

    Cardiff and the rest smaller teams have signficantly strengthened and will continue to do so in the summer.

    While 2 seasons ago our summer we bought 1 freaking player in Anita. I have no confidence whatsoever of us signing anybody at all in the summer. I expect another couple of loan forwards to get us through next season and more outgoings than incomings.

    What a way to run the club.. b*stard.

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  • ilovetoon8788

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:13 PM

    Comment #40

    Ashley is underestimating the clubs around us. The relegation favorites. Next season another 0 signings and we as well be the favorites for the drop.

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