Ashley Statement – I Will Make Newcastle Great Again

Mike Ashley has just issued a rare statement,  in which he says he will change the way he runs the Newcastle club from the way he has run it over the last almost eight years.

mike ashley 9876

Mike Ashley – finally willing to spend the money – great!!

This is the statement Mike has just issued on the Newcastle web-site:

“Our results were released on Monday and show that the Club has become profitable, and we announced both record revenues of £129.7M and record profits of £18.7M.” Those are good figures and show we have managed the Club well financially.”

“However, we want to move to the next phase for Newcastle United now that we have fully stabilized the club financially.”

“Along with Managing Director Lee Charnley and Chief Scout Graham Carr and the new head coach when he arrives, we plan to make Newcastle successful on the pitch, as Lee  Charnley  alluded to on Monday is his statement accompanying the financial results.

“We also want to be more forthcoming and say that from now on, we want to challenge for the top six in the Premier league and be back in Europe again every season, as the Club was in the early 2000s.”

“Our aim is to now try to win a trophy for the Newcastle fans,  and end the drought we have had since we won the Inter-City Fairs Cup in 1969, when Bob Moncur was captain and  is now our official Ambassador for the club.”

“And that means we will be changing our policy and  field strong sides in both the Capital One Cup and the FA Cup.”  

“In order to do that our aim is to increase the quality of the squad and also to increase the relative size of it, so that we can compete initially on three fronts in England,  and then on four fronts once we are back in Europe.”

“By necessity we have been frugal over the last few years in an effort to bring some much needed stability to the Club – but our aim now is to move forward and bring some success on the pitch  for our fans.”

“That will start this summer when we will invest significantly in new players, and significant  financial funds have already been allocated for this summer.”

“It’s been difficult over these last eight years, but now we should be able to bring some success to Newcastle United on the pitch.”

“That’s now our major goal moving forward – to make Newcastle United great again.”

That’s really great news from the Newcastle owner.

If you are having trouble locating Mike’s statement on the Newcastle web-site you should clear your cache,  since it’s only just been posted.

And if you still cannot locate it – then you may want to check today’s date.

Isn’t this the 1st day of April.

Isn’t that April Fools Day?

Sorry if we raised your hopes – but you never know.

30 comments so far

  • Lindisfarne

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:29 AM

    Comment #1


  • Jail for Ashley

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:30 AM

    Comment #2

    FFS Ed

  • Grafton83

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:32 AM

    Comment #3

    Ooowwwwwww, just remembered what day it is. Fall for it every time

  • Jail for Ashley

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:32 AM

    Comment #4

    This is the type of statement that would be believable from any other owner !

  • Lindisfarne

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:33 AM

    Comment #5

    Newcastle will win the derby…..?

  • Jail for Ashley

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:37 AM

    Comment #6

    This is the type of statement you would expect him to release every few months, it has gone too far now where nobody would believe him and he knows it.

  • LGFUAD21

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:38 AM

    Comment #7

    Didn’t slag anyone off in particular. And I’m still waiting for someone to present a well constructed argument.

    Mcclaren has had failures but maybe the others would have too if they have been managers for longer than 5 years.

    He has has more successes than anyone on the “wish list” aside from FDB who let’s face it is not a realistic option.

    Few managers are consistently successful and the ones that are are platinum covered pipe dreams (Mourinho)

  • LGFUAD21

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:39 AM

    Comment #8

    My main point is how can any fans expect us to progress when we are writing off the guy before he’s even got the job.

    Has anyone heard of self-fulfilling prophecy?

  • StevieGee

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:42 AM

    Comment #9

    That’s not even funny, Ed! You should be ashamed of yourself. Ha ha…

  • LGFUAD21

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:43 AM

    Comment #10

    Bad form Ed.

  • Jeff from Benwell

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:45 AM

    Comment #11

    Lucas Pérez, a young Spanish winger currently on the books of PAOK in Greece, but who is on loan with Deportivo de la Coruña until June , is being strongly linked with us in the Spanish press.

  • lesh

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:52 AM

    Comment #12


    You should expect to hear from Ashley’s solicitors very soon.

    Maybe it’s a good time to take Milo out for a long walk!

  • AlanShearersKneeCaps

    Apr 1, 2015 at 8:55 AM

    Comment #13

    You absolute wanker!

  • optimistic prime

    Apr 1, 2015 at 9:04 AM

    Comment #14



    Apr 1, 2015 at 9:11 AM

    Comment #15

    ah ed u always pull this trick every year

  • Shaker Shakrah

    Apr 1, 2015 at 9:27 AM

    Comment #16

    What a bad joke , it’s not funny man !!

  • Blofal

    Apr 1, 2015 at 9:38 AM

    Comment #17

    That was not funny 🙁

  • BrightonMag

    Apr 1, 2015 at 9:59 AM

    Comment #18

    That was about as funny as a bout of Syphillis…..

  • toonincheek

    Apr 1, 2015 at 10:00 AM

    Comment #19

    Have to admit – really got me going.
    Didn’t realise at first.

  • Reyantoon

    Apr 1, 2015 at 10:09 AM

    Comment #20

    Nice hahaha

  • martoon

    Apr 1, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    Comment #21

    You got me Ed – I’ve been searching official site for it 🙁

  • davetoon

    Apr 1, 2015 at 11:08 AM

    Comment #22

    Hilarious. Says more about Ashley than Ed though.

  • terencelim

    Apr 1, 2015 at 1:53 PM

    Comment #23

    Ashley ass lickers don’t need April fool day to believe it.

  • toonicle

    Apr 1, 2015 at 2:00 PM

    Comment #24

    Hahahahaha you really got me on that one Ed well done

  • south coast toon

    Apr 1, 2015 at 4:43 PM

    Comment #25

    you w****r i really fell for that
    having ashley shit on your face nude after a day of sweat is too good for you lol

  • ronnett

    Apr 1, 2015 at 6:36 PM

    Comment #26

    You wish Ed

  • Charlietoon

    Apr 1, 2015 at 7:52 PM

    Comment #27

    Wow Ed your so clever, you gave us all hope and then got a good laugh about how stupid we are.

  • goommy

    Apr 1, 2015 at 10:04 PM

    Comment #28



  • We are the mags

    Apr 2, 2015 at 1:20 AM

    Comment #29


  • James RS

    Apr 2, 2015 at 10:18 AM

    Comment #30

    If only it was true 🙂


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