April Fool’s Hoax That Came True For Newcastle

I just had breakfast with my son Neil – where we talked about who we need in this summer’s transfer window, and who would be a good manager for the side, and he pointed out that our April Fool’s hoax we published was fairly close to what Mike Ashley said in his Sky Sports interview last Sunday afternoon – one hour before our game against West Ham kicked off.

mike ashley lee charnley last game west ham

Mike Ashley and Lee Charnley on Sunday

Here’s some of the article we had put on April 1st – this is statement we said Mike Ashley had just posted on the Newcastle web site:

“Our results were released on Monday and show that the Club has become profitable, and we announced both record revenues of £129.7M and record profits of £18.7M.” Those are good figures and show we have managed the Club well financially.”

“However, we want to move to the next phase for Newcastle United now that we have fully stabilized the club financially.”

“Along with Managing Director Lee Charnley and Chief Scout Graham Carr and the new head coach when he arrives, we plan to make Newcastle successful on the pitch, as Lee  Charnley  alluded to on Monday is his statement accompanying the financial results.

“We also want to be more forthcoming and say that from now on, we want to challenge for the top six in the Premier league and be back in Europe again every season, as the Club was in the early 2000s.”

“Our aim is to now try to win a trophy for the Newcastle fans,  and end the drought we have had since we won the Inter-City Fairs Cup in 1969, when Bob Moncur was captain and  is now our official Ambassador for the club.”

“And that means we will be changing our policy and  field strong sides in both the Capital One Cup and the FA Cup.”  

“In order to do that our aim is to increase the quality of the squad and also to increase the relative size of it, so that we can compete initially on three fronts in England,  and then on four fronts once we are back in Europe.”

“By necessity we have been frugal over the last few years in an effort to bring some much needed stability to the Club – but our aim now is to move forward and bring some success on the pitch  for our fans.”

“That will start this summer when we will invest significantly in new players, and significant  financial funds have already been allocated for this summer.”

“It’s been difficult over these last eight years, but now we should be able to bring some success to Newcastle United on the pitch.”

“That’s now our major goal moving forward – to make Newcastle United great again.”

Well that may be a little bit more positive than what Mike Ashley said – but it’s fairly close.

Here’s the original article that was titled “Ashley Statement – I Will Make Newcastle Great Again.”

Sometimes you get lucky.

🙂 🙂 🙂

And it’s interesting the last line of the article was:

Sorry if we raised your hopes – but you never know.

On the new had coach position,  my son Neil thinks it will be Steve McClaren – but I’m hoping for Michael Laudrup – anybody but John Carver.

Comments welcome.

14 comments so far

  • firebug666

    May 30, 2015 at 3:09 PM

    Comment #1

    Sorry Ed, I still think we are being fooled, and have seen nothing to prove otherwise.

    expect the same old same old!

  • Graeme

    May 30, 2015 at 3:17 PM

    Comment #2

    Apart from Ashley making some statements, what has he actually done? As far as I can tell, he has done absolutely nothing at all. Nothing has changed at all.

    On that basis, my attitude towards NUFC has likewise remained unchanged – I will jnot spend a penny if it ends up with Ashley. Maybe, once our new Head Coach has been appointed – as long as its NOT Carver – and some good quality players have been dragged “Over the Line” – only then will I have a rethink on the situation.

    Nothing has changed, so far!!!

  • Tinman

    May 30, 2015 at 3:21 PM

    Comment #3

    Would love to sign Matty The Hammer Philips

  • lochinvar

    May 30, 2015 at 3:21 PM

    Comment #4

    Like Adam Campbell maybe Carver and Stone will find out they’ve been released via Twitter as well

  • Tinman

    May 30, 2015 at 3:22 PM

    Comment #5

    How this was not even in motd selection for goal of the season is a joke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qbs6b50cOqc

  • sickandtired

    May 30, 2015 at 3:23 PM

    Comment #6

    Indeed. he gave 3 mins of BS and 35% or more of so called supporters bought it.

    Here they are, right now, deciding who goes, who stays, who to buy – and we don;t even have a Manager/HC.

    Nothing has changed therefore nothing is going to change.

  • Tinman

    May 30, 2015 at 3:26 PM

    Comment #7

    sickandtired, the pain will continue yes. But talking about potential transfers is still allowed, you are not the blog police.

  • sickandtired

    May 30, 2015 at 3:30 PM

    Comment #8

    “They” referred to Ashley, Charnley & Carr. You know, the ‘football board’ of which Ashley says he doesn’t take part in.

  • Toon-Prodigy

    May 30, 2015 at 3:32 PM

    Comment #9

    I’s making me think if all of them have found out via Twitter, even Jonas and Taylor. Disgrace if that’s the case.

  • Mag52

    May 30, 2015 at 3:45 PM

    Comment #10

    The whole club has, I’m afraid, become one massive April Fool’s joke and would be quite a laugh if it wasn’t so demoralizing.

  • Belfast

    May 30, 2015 at 3:55 PM

    Comment #12

    Adam Campbell new he was being released weeks ago. If he didn’t he’s a bit thick like. He was allowed to go on trial to West Bromwich a few weeks back. Now if they had any intention of keeping him he wouldn’t be allowed to go on trial somewhere else.


  • Tyne Built

    May 30, 2015 at 4:12 PM

    Comment #13

    My take on the interview is that it is positive (it is the first time which hopefully signals a change and he said the right things). The problem is that there have been too many false dawns….So I am cautiously optimistic but the interview has to be followed up by action in my view and real change, starting with appointing a respected manager that is capable of more than just keeping us up/mid-table. McLaren (or heaven-forbid Carver) would signal more of the same in my view. Moyes would be great for us. As would Garde. Not sure about Laudrup.

  • Toon-Prodigy

    May 30, 2015 at 4:16 PM

    Comment #14


    It’s all a bit disrespectful and unprofessional I think.

    The lad has been there since he was 7 now 20.

    Im sure he or they did know or have an idea. But I think I’d expect a meeting or atleast a phone call not read it online after the masses also.


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