Newcastle’s Bold New Blueprint Leaked In Case Of Relegation

We have come across Newcastle’s blueprint in case the club are relegated to the Championship for a second time in seven years.

As we had expected and has already been rumored in the press,  it’s a bold new plan to get Newcastle straight back up into the Premier League next May and then go after winning the Premier League followed by the Champions League within a short three years.

lee charnley and mike ashley

No wonder they are smiling – with the bold new blueprint for success

This is what it says:

  • Retain Rafa Benitez at all costs – ask him what he wants and within reason give it to him – offer him and his coaches a 10 year deal to build Newcastle – offer Rafa 10M a year.
  • If Rafa refuses and Jose Mourinho is still available get him in – offer him £10M a year for 10 years to utterly transform Newcastle United.
  • Short term target – to get promoted back to Championship with a record number of points next season – tie up promotion by next February 28th.
  • Use January transfer window to get top players in for Premier League assault the following season.
  • Allow Rafa (or Jose) in the summer to select the players he wants to keep in the squad and sell the rest – give any transfer money to Rafa to bring in his own players.
  • Major goals for summer – significantly strengthen the defense and get in two proven and prolific goalscorers.
  • 14 players already identified to leave the club this summer.
  • Keep all non-playing staff at the club – no layoffs – if necessary the owner has pledged to pay wages of all staff from his own pocket for next season – as a way of atoning for this unnecessary relegation.
  • Longer term goals for Newcastle will be set more specifically next summer, but initial plans are to win the Premier League the first season back the seaosn after next.
  • The overall medium term goal is to win the Champions League – target season for that is 2018-2019.

We also understand that Rafa Benitez feels fairly confident he can get promotion, win the Premier League and win the Champions League is a very short three years.

Well you are right – you guessed it – you saw through it – that’s not the real blueprint – I must be dreaming again.

What a pity!

But we really weren’t kidding – we were in fact given the Newcastle blueprint if we are relegated – it’s just not the one above.

The real one  contains the following long list of urgent and decisive actions that Lee Charnley will immediately undertake starting on Monday of next week:

10 comments so far

  • geordiemark

    May 10, 2016 at 9:36 AM

    Comment #1

    Ashley has had more time to sort this mess out that he has caused, not putting in football people and letting them get on with the job has cost us relegation yet again so really the club needs a new owner and new people from the top to the tea lady if rafa goes then no one can blame the man least hes done more then what MCclown ever tried to do, its time Ashley sold up nothing else will do now

  • Moonraker15

    May 10, 2016 at 9:39 AM

    Comment #2

    I don’t know about anyone else but I didn’t find this particularly amusing! I’m still coming to terms with the fact that Leicester have won the league by a distance and we are almost certainly entertaining the likes of Brentford (no disrespect) next season!

  • Lee Charnley Bunga Party

    May 10, 2016 at 9:40 AM

    Comment #3

    Ashley to turn to PR man Bishop for advice on relegation seems to be a popular headline today !

    What experience does Bishop have sorting out football clubs??

    Stop hiring cronies and start hiring people who have a proven track record in FOOTBALL!!

  • Goldmbemba

    May 10, 2016 at 9:47 AM

    Comment #4

    we will definitely bounce back with in a year of being relegated.

    – we will have the best squad, despite losing a few big names
    – we’ll have armstrong back , eager to prove him self a level up and help his home club to promotion
    – attendances will still be around 50k, and that support will see us a long way towards promotion.

    I would much rather be in our shoes than in villas. they have a much weaker squad and a few rotten apples in there too. i think they could become the next big club to get stuck in the mire of the championship.

  • hibbitt

    May 10, 2016 at 9:49 AM

    Comment #5



  • Toontaff

    May 10, 2016 at 9:54 AM

    Comment #6

    You need to have a word with yourself ed ffs sticking garbage like that on here in case you don’t realise we are in real danger of dropping down the leagues unless we come straight back up and spend ridiculous amounts of money

  • stuart no9

    May 10, 2016 at 9:58 AM

    Comment #7

    stuart no9 // May 10, 2016 at 9:48 AM

    Every one going on about us not being able to beat a team bottom of the league and who have lost 11 games in a row. true, however , think about it, 11 games in a row, sometime or another that run had to end, it dosnt matter who were playing villa at6 the time , but their luck or their game plan sometime had to work . Villa gave a better defensive display on saturday than they had for a long time- it worked for them. There is nothing more dangerous than playing a side with a record as bad as that coz sometime that run is going to come to an end.
    We didnt take the chance to win the game. that was the only difference on saturday .Sunderland , watching there past games have been lucky- very lucky, sometiime or another that luck has to run out their blip is just around the corner . starting wednesday

  • Average_Contents

    May 10, 2016 at 9:59 AM

    Comment #8

    In order to have a blueprint on what to do next, they’ve got to purchase the crayons but before that happens they’ll require a meeting with Mike to release the funds to buy said crayons.

    Fat cnut out!

  • TheToonKing

    May 10, 2016 at 1:15 PM

    Comment #9

    what’s the point of this article and the click-bait title ? you’re really going downhill Ed.

  • giimps

    May 11, 2016 at 7:55 AM

    Comment #10

    Villa were only interested in stopping the losing run, no attack 5 at the back , 5 in midfield……and we still had chances, but we need a change further up the pitch, creating more opportunities up the pitch will get us free kicks, penalties and corners …..more of those opportunities falling to our goal scorers and we may succeed…….my only hope is that it’s not too late, I’m hoping Everton do the same as villa and Watford go for the win to try and keep their manager…….job done!!!


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